Don't be fooled by this happy demeanor....

That is what I am having to tell myself today. Nick has been in a happy mood all day long. The weather was nice out, so hubby let him wander around in our fenced in backyard. Nick was happy as a clam. All of this talking and smiling is what has lulled us into that false sense of "all is well" in the past. This is the Nicholas I want him to be..this is the Nicholas HE wants to be. Happy, playful, talkative(even if he was repeating "Nick don't get the vacuum!" over and over :) ) asking to be tickled, coming up to us for fist pumps(which is uber cute by the way!), playing with his toys instead of thrashing about the house destroying our doors. In an instant yesterday all that was gone. Replaced with screaming, throwing toys, hitting me, and just all out losing control. I spent 30 min just sitting with him on the couch. Nick was curled up in a ball in my arms and we just sat there. I was happy that he was being cuddly, but I could have done without the screaming and throwing.

Happy days such as this tend to make me forget about the bad days. They make me think "Oh I can handle this", "It's not that bad". Then WHAMMO! We get hit with several really bad days in a row where nothing is going right. My parents did tell me that they would possibly help to buy him a squeeze machine; since he really seems to like pressure.

I took my parents to the airport yesterday morning. Had to get up at 3am in order to get to the airport by 5am. I came back home, put some mini-cinnamon buns in the oven for Michael, got him up and ready for school, then I passed out on the couch until around 11am. Not much housework got done yesterday I tell ya.

He Does What he Can

I have not posted so much lately due to us having family visiting. It has been wonderful having an extra set of hands around here to help with things around the house, as well as the kids. I now know that I could get really used to having someone like a nanny to help with things like calming Nick down from a meltdown, or tending to dinner while I get some time to do some small cleaning. Having someone who will clean up the dirty dishes after dinner while I get the kids a bath has been divine. Of course my mother did not have to do this-I did not make her; but she did it anyway just to help. We of course had plenty of time doing other things too. Taking Michael out for an afternoon; just him. He got some Legos, some new rollerblades, and we went to see the movie "Tooth Fairy". Nick also got his very own day in which he was allowed to pick out any toy he wanted. There was no apparent limit, and the kid could not have been happier. He was all smiles on his day and he KNEW it was his day. He said first thing in the morning-HAPPY.

We have one more day with them before they head back to Florida. They have been a huge support system for us regarding Nicholas. "He just does what he can" my mom says. My mom has been very supportive in getting more help for Nick. More help as in possible medication. I have been toying with this idea for a few months now. Only because I cannot find any correlation/cause for some of Nick's severe stimming/anxiety attacks. He gets very tense and just seems to go completely wild. He will be like this for a couple days, then he will be completely the opposite. When he is not this way he is doing remarkable things. Like looking at us when we call his name, following two step directions, speaking to us, requesting things from us, and just all around able to focus. When he is not like this, he is stimming so severely that it is impossible to get anything out of him. There is also a huge gap between what he does at school, and what he does at home. There is just too much difference between his "good days/bad days". I had hoped it would not resort to this; but if it will help him then it is worth looking in to. I was just hoping he would not be that severe to need medication-but I cannot deny it any longer. The calm and relaxed Nicholas is more lucid. He is happy-and he knows it. He is able to communicate better and enjoy himself. The stimmy/anxious/tense Nick does not enjoy anything. He is not "there", and is not happy. I just want something to help take his edginess off. I have been e-mailing his doctor, and we have an appointment set for 1 April.

Wish us Luck....

We are FUNKdified....

Ugh, Nick is in one of his funks. Don't know how else to describe it really. It has been going on all week. It is one of those "I am so rambunctious and in need of stimulation that I cannot sit still". No, not even for a second. He is all over the place physically as well as emotionally. One minute he is fine, the next we are on the verge of total implosion. Not even therapy was a repreive-as he pretty much could not pay attention to any of it this week. Wednesday the slightest thing would totally set him off and we were simply trying to make it to bedtime. One of those weeks where I am just trying to hold it together hour by hour. And tomorrow I got to take Funkboy to the airport to pick up family. Not enough Tylenol in the world for me right now. I have to mentally prepare myself for the stress that he will undoubtedly cause. I am taking him in his stroller-because I simply cannot handle him right now any other way than confined. Yes, it may look strange to have a six year old in a stroller-but I don't give a shit really.

I Give Up...

On the whole door thing. I know I will never understand it, can barely prevent it from happening, and it is not seeming to be going away anytime soon. Our house is locked up like Alcatraz already, and we are in need of more locks. I was attempting to get in a quick nap on Sunday-and had things all locked up. Informed hubby of my whereabouts, and everything was set. I HAVE to lock our bedroom door if I want any kind of respite. Otherwise Nick will come flying in, and start with the closet doors. As soon as I get him away from those and back in bed, he starts with the bedroom door. It becomes a vicious cycle. Closet doors, bedroom door. Closet doors, bedroom door. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. This time, I had managed to get in a few precious moments of bliss, when suddenly I heard a dreaded "WHAM!" It came again "WHAM!" Since nobody else seemed to hear this slamming noise (still don't understand that one??) I investigated. (rather loudly I might add). Nick had moved on to the garage door. This door is not exactly light. However, Nick has taken this door thing to a whole new realm recently.

.....Gas tanks have doors on them dont'cha know. See where this is going?? At first it was our gas tank. Not too bad-let him do it a couple times then "all done". Now however, little mister can spot those little gems in a nanosecond. Yesterday he ran right across the street to the minivan parked on the curb. He has also found the gas tank on his school bus. Parking lots have become a nightmare. If you are not paying attention and holding him with only half your strength, he will weezel out and run like lightening to the nearest gas tank. If you have never seen how fast lightening can run, just stop by sometime. Today it happened to be a silver compact car with its' occupants still inside it. I am sure they were wondering what that little boy was doing careening towards their car, and his frazzled mom trying in vain to regain control.
....Nana and Grandpa are going to get a workout.

Dentist

This week was a busy week. But then again, every week is busy around here it seems. Nick had his very first dental visit on Tuesday. This was a two-person effort-hubby would not get to stay home for this one. Nick was understandably anxious as we entered the building. He had to go in an elevator-something that he is leery of, but he did spectacular. Once we got to the waiting room, it was filled with other kids and Nick was already on edge. He was running everywhere. Hubby did not even get a chance to sit down. He was on full-blown Nick patrol while I filled out all the paperwork. Even so, Nick managed to get behind the counter and start slamming cabinets. The forms started with the usual; birthdate, sex, etc. But then I got to the middle portion that said something like "circle all that apply"...hmmm, Speech Delay..yes, Developmental Delay...yes, neurologic something...yes. Then I see different conditions listed on the bottom portion. Bingo. Autism was one of them. I also listed some of his sensory issues, as this office would pretty much push him into sensory hell. Then it asked something along the lines of what requests I have for my child. I found myself writing "treat him like a normal child, talk to him like any other kid and explain everything you are doing". He is autistic, but he is NOT stupid. We do not treat him like that at home, and I will be damned if anyone else treats him as such. Anyway, the time comes for us to go back into another office to discuss what brought us here in the first place. The assistant is very nice and laments on Nick's long eyelashes and big blue eyes. She is very patient and explains we will just do as much as he lets us do. If we get to a cleaning, we get to it. We will just do what we can. I already like this place.

We take Nick back to an exam room, and get him situated in the chair. He is bestowed with a small magna doodle, and a pink toothbrush that a nurse accidentally gave him. She went to try and exchange it for a blue one, but hubby told her there was no need, as Nick likes pink. Nick does not see gender specific colors, all he sees is that pink is a nice color and he likes it. Even his therapists have noticed that he just seems to like pink. The Dr comes in and takes notice of his adult tooth growing behind his baby tooth and that his mouth is very small. She says what we had been thinking all along "hmmm, that tooth will have to come out, as well as the one beside it to make more room. Otherwise, his teeth will be all bunched up. See? There's not room in here for it to grow in the right spot. He will probably need braces later on, but we will do what we can right now." Nick is squirming and crying just a bit, no where near the scale as he got his vaccines though-this is going rather well. We actually managed to get through a cleaning. Success! Hubby came out going "wow, that was alot of crying." I looked at him like he was nuts. "That??!" "Oh no, that was nothing. You should have seen him when they gave him ONE shot. Really, that was just a little whining."

We schedule his tooth extraction for a few days later. Yesterday. Yesterday Nick walked into the office like a pro. He pushed the button for the elevator, and waltzed in like saying "I got this." In the waiting room, Nick was stimmy-but happy. He jumped and flapped while looking at all the toys. One little boy was asking questions about him. Things like "why is he doing that? why does he like that?" His mom explained that he was autistic and did things differently. Hubby piped in "yes, but he knew his ABC's and could count to 30 when he was two!"
"Wow, really?" the boy said. His mom even chimed in "Yes, he is very smart isn't he?"
I did not mind that the little boy was asking questions-it is better than simply staring. And we got the opportunity to give them a little education. Mike presented them with a little card that explains autism, and told me "I carry those around everywhere; so when people stare I give them one." This is from a guy who would not even say the word AUTISM a few years ago. Now, he tells anyone who will listen.
We went back to the exam room, and this time Nick climbed into the chair by himself, and requested that the light be turned on. We gave him the sunglasses to protect his eyes, he had some tape to feel on his hands, and a magna doodle. He was ready. He barely flinched as they gave him some numbing stuff for his mouth, and a few minutes later it was time to pull. The first tooth came out in no time, as the roots had already been degraded by the adult tooth behind it. The second tooth took a little more time, a little more crying(actually, hardly crying-more like whining)and a few more minutes later it too was out. We were done. Nick walked out like nothing had happened. The funny part came on the ride home. Nick was blowing raspberries and sticking his tongue out due to the anaesthetic. The dentist was wonderful, and I would recommend them to anyone. All in all, it proved to be not such a big hassle after all.

Silence is Golden.....

It is quarter to ten pm and the house is silent. Between all of Nick's therapists, the dog, plus the boys themselves-this house is one busy place 90% of the time. Tonight was therapy and then right to soccer practice. Once practice was over, we piled in the Jeep and grabbed some B.K. for dinner. Headed to the store to buy some more baby wipes, drinks,etc. and then came home around 8pm. Everyone ate, some got baths, and story time (Nick is really big on requesting "wanna read a book"-so I cave like always). A little dose of melatonin and Nick is in dreamland inside of 30 min. Unlike 3-4 hours without.

Michael too is asleep. Tuckered right out after all that running. Oh how I love soccer season for that very reason. Even the dog is passed out. YAY Me!

Much Ado About Nicholas....

This weekend was all about Nick. 6 years ago on Feb 12, a beautiful baby boy was born. Around this date 4 years ago, that same beautiful boy was diagnosed with autism. It has been a roller-coaster ride ever since. We have had lots of "on the job" training-as no one can prepare you for life with autism. We have learned a lot of things on the fly. We have come a long way as individuals, as well as a family. Nick turned six on Friday. Saturday I took Nick to Toys R Us for a day of spoiling. I originally was not going to take him simply because I wanted everything to be a surprise. Mike insisted that Nick go along.
"Let him pick out what HE likes, not what YOU think he would like." I was kind of miffed at this, as I like to think that I KNOW what Nick likes, but I listened and took Nick along.

I was pleasantly surprised at what Nick gravitated to. He did in fact like everything. Baby toys caught his attention, but I kept moving along hoping to find something that was more age appropriate. A part of Nick still likes the baby toys, and I get torn between what to buy. He is getting older, and I want toys that reflect that. It seems only respectful to him that his surroundings reflect more a kid of his age. He also seems to LIKE it. This year he picked out a cool looking dinosaur that roared and walked when you pushed a button. The age range was from 3-8yrs. We also found a mini-trampoline, and a 3D picture projector. I figured if he thinks in pictures, then by G*d he is going to have the best ones we can get. I bought all the slides that come for that projector. Soon he will be informing us about life on the African Prairie.
We then went to Safeway to pick up a birthday cake. This is where autism can strike out of the blue. We walked up to the entrance, and Nick starts to pull back. He is resistant to going in. I tell him it is ok, and we are going to get his cake. He complies, trusting what I say. But he quickly gets overloaded and a meltdown is ensuing. We have learned throughout the years to become good at detecting what his triggers are. I quickly realize what is setting him off. There are thousands of helium filled balloons all with bright colors,and a whole forest of colored flowers filling the air with their scents. All of this at once is bombarding Nick's senses and he quickly covers his eyes and starts screaming. I wheel him through in record speed and am able to avoid a full-blown meltdown. But that was still not before we drew a few stares from clueless shoppers. I pay no attention to them, as they do not have any comprehension of just how close we had come to a scene much worse-and they would be amazed at this mommas quick response. We buy the cake and here I am having to wheel Nick through this sensory hell again in order to get to the car. This time however, I am prepared. I prep him by saying "Ok Nick, we have to go this way to get to the car. It will just be a minute, and we go to the car. It will be alright." As I say this, he is already covering his eyes again, but I just keep chanting "It's ok..almost done." Then as we exit I announce "See, we are all done now. We go to the car." Nick takes his hands away from his eyes, and all is well. Smiley boy is back again.
Nick also got several garden pinwheels from our former neighbor. She remembered he liked those and had no qualms about spoiling him with tons of them. We also bought a German language CD program. Maybe he can learn his dad's first language-since he seems to have the ability to pick up and repeat multiple languages. It also pairs things with pictures. We celebrated his birthday last night with a simple family party. We all sang "happy birthday" and Nick smiled that darling little smile of his as if to say "I feel so loved right now".

As Temple Grandin would say "Different, Not Less."

Weekend plans....

This is our first weekend for soccer. Michael has a game tomorrow at noon. After that I am thinking of either hitting the gym or going for a run-depending on the weather. Sunday we might have a little party for Nick-his parties are never very big affairs as he does not enjoy a whole bunch of people. A simple cake and some gifts will do just fine with him. Other than that, not much going on at all. Just the normal weekend chores of grocery shopping and housecleaning. We are also watching the Olympics. Funny to think such a big event is going on only 4 hours north of us. Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Just a few questions to ask some of these companies....

1) Can you please make a 'noiseless' microwave? We would actually love to use ours with no screaming from the boy.

2) Can you make potty seats big enough for a nearly 6yr old who has a very skinny butt? One that won't smoosh his manhood?

3) And while we are at it; can you also make a noiseless dishwasher? Not even the so called "quiet" ones are truly quiet. We should know. Our kid has supersonic hearing.

4) Whatever happened to the "Gerber Little Flakes" cereal?? That was the only effing cereal the boy would eat. With no screaming. Now we have been forced into the unknown and I am not sure I can mentally handle that right now.

5) Could we also get some pediasure that won't give him diarrhea?? When you have one of 'those' weeks (and all you ASD moms know 'those' weeks) it is a real toss-up between nutrition and stools. Stools has won everytime-because no one in our house wants to change a weeks worth of loose, runny, crapola.

6) Can you please make items that are GF/CF/SF a little more affordable????? I mean, without all that extra crap in there-why is it so expensive?? My brain says it should be cheaper...but that's just me. Isn't rice more abundant than say..cows?

7) And why the eff do public toilets have to flush so damm LOUD?? Hard to potty train the kid when the simple act of flushing the darn thing sends him out of his mind. All thanks to that super-duper hearing of his.

I would also like to thank the following companies for their brilliant products:
Safety First: Lovely light switch cover. No more masking tape.
First Years: The BEST damm baby gates EVER. They might just be indestructable. But you have to get the ones that bolt into the wall. Nothing else worked. Saved us from a nervous breakdown due to constant cabinet slamming.
Step2: Best toy kitchen. I have seen this at many an ASD house. Something about those darned cabinets!

Ramblings.....

I am sitting here watching Nick ever so slowly eat his dinner. Chicken, mac & cheese, and green beans. We have been here for almost an hour, and we are just finishing the chicken. We still have macaroni and beans to get through. No worries though. Tonight he can take his time. We had a relatively early dinner, so he should be fine as soon as he swallows the liquified chicken he has had in his mouth now for 20 minutes. A good trick we have learned: Giving him some applesauce seems to speed this process up a bit. As you can imagine, brushing his teeth when he is in one of these hoarding phases is simply a nightmare. Filled with lots of crying, and lots of liquified food spilling out of his mouth. I don't know why he does this. Most of the time we can figure out why he likes to do things, which leads to us understanding him better. This phase we just don't get. It comes and goes, and we never know when or how long it will last. We simply get through it. I hate, hate, hate it. I hate not being able to figure out WHY he is doing it. It gets so frustrating for both of us. Yesterday Mike told me Nick started breakfast at 8:30am, he finished at 10am.

Adding to the mayhem is our now disabled dog. He went outside last night just fine, came back limping, and has been limping all day. He is very old, so I am thinking it could be arthritis. He is able to bear some weight on his leg, but not much. He is actually doing better tonight than he was earlier today-but still hopping along slowly.

As if school, therapy, work, and dog were not enough; we have now added soccer to our schedule. Practices are Tuesdays and Thursdays 6pm-7:30pm. Right in the middle of Nick's therapy sessions. Mike and I will have to take turns going to practice with Michael. Life is all about finding a balance. We still struggle with balancing the needs of both boys. Nick needs so much more time & energy that most days we are mentally drained, and Michael just seems to blend in with it all. Soccer is HIS time in the parental spotlight.

IEP meeting..

We had Nick's IEP meeting last Friday. It went rather well, but what shocked me was the fact they said that he had no functional language. HUH?? They clearly saw the look of confusion on my face, and I told them "Umm, yes he does. He asks for things all the time at home." And even lately he has begun making his own choices. When I ask "Do you want milk or juice?" instead of just repeating "milk or juice?", he will think about it for a while and then say "Milk." or "Juice." So to tell me he has no functional language was quite the shock. This is a child who came to me the other day and told me to fix a car that he wanted to play with. He even brought me the car! Today he put his bowl on the counter and said he wanted fish crackers. The thing is, he may do all this at home-but in school it might be a different story. They jotted down all the notes I was providing them, and were astonished by what he does do at home. I told A (his BCBA) this and she had equal confusion. She made a note to go and visit his class and observe how he is in school, and maybe give the teachers some pointers.

Today we met with A to discuss re-vamping Nick's home program. He was breezing through so many programs in the fall, but has now seemed to hit a wall. Things are hit-or-miss with him. One day he will get it 100%, the next day it will be 10%. We are looking for more things to really motivate him. They are also going to start incorporating some of the Early Start Denver model into his programs. It is a less structured form of ABA and more natural. (from what I have been told) It goes through all the developmental phases of early childhood. Little things like following points, and being more "socially" tuned in. We hope to see a lot of progress in 2010. The best thing is right now he has already come so far! He is really starting to blossom. In HIS time.

First week in the new house..

We have completed our first week in the new 'crib', and it is starting to feel a little homey. The first few days last week we were going back and forth between the houses which left us no time to really set up the new house. We had to clean the old house to meet base requirements(that is a huge chore unto itself). I had to work, and we had a couple of days that we were quite "overbooked". Wednesday we hired a cleaning crew to finish up what we had started. All they really had to do was wash the walls, clean the floors and baseboards, and just straighten things up a bit. They did a wonderful job and ended up finishing everything 30 minutes prior to our final inspection on Friday. Which was supposed to be at 9am. Inspectors did not show up until 10am, and I had Nick's IEP meeting at 11am. UGH. Why is my life like this?? So overscheduled. We ended up passing our inspection; and making it to our appointment. Why is my child so into doors???!!! This is not just something that happens at home now, it happens everywhere. Everywhere we go has a door. A door that must be slammed open and closed at every possible opportunity. It is quite exhausting taking this child of mine out sometimes. Yesterday's Dollar Store trip was not quite tranquil. Nick thought it was fun to knock things off the shelves and watch them fall to the floor. Then he thought my reaction was uber funny. We quickly headed out of there to Target where I could put him in a basket and not have it look so funny. (Afterall, he is a gangly/tall nearly 6yr old-whose feet nearly drag on the floor in the front seat of a cart)He now rides in the back-all sprawled out and making lots of happy stimmy noises. People look regardless, so at least they can look at a happy stimmy child rather than a rambunctious child and one stressed out mommy. Right??

Anyway, I got my pictures up on the walls last night with lots of help from happy stimmy boy. He was jumpy, flappy, and had fun lining up the frames in the hallway. As I hung one, he would slide the rest on the floor to make room for the new one he took out of the box. Did I mention he was happy-stimmy child?? There was lots of jumping, screeching, and overall giddiness. It made a boring job rather fun actually. Where does he come up with this stuff??!! Never known anyone to be soooooo happy about hanging pictures. We had a couple of good laughs.

Today, we are off to Target again. I found a few inspirational quotes to put on the walls thatI like. We have a big empty wall right when you come into the house that can use something like that. I can use a little uplifting myself every now and then.

New House!!

We are finally getting all moved in to our new abode. Oddly enough, for someone who is not supposed to like change, Nick loved this house from the get go! He has his own room with all of his own stuff in it, and we have had ZERO problems with transitioning him. The only time he screamed: when we had to go back to the old house to get more of our stuff and to clean it. He hated seeing things in such disarray and made him uncomfortable. Sunday we were able to get respite care for him while we went to the old house to clean up. That way he was able to stay *home*. Both the boys LOVED riding in the U-Haul truck with daddy-that never seems to get old. To Nick, that was almost as good as riding the school bus!!LOL! He is such a little boy :)

Michael has his own "boy cave" with his video games, and he has even joined the 20th century with a tv in his room. We made it ten years with no tv in the kids' room, but he is getting older now and it is a step up. Can't treat him like his little bro. Little brother is never far away though-yesterday when Nick needed some comfort, he went to his big bro's room and laid on the floor listening to Michael and his TV. I think they both like having their own places to go to get away from it all. It seems to be working well so far.

We are still getting everything situated. Once we do I will post pictures. Just wanted to get on here and let everyone know that we are still here and doing fine :)

We Are Moving......

Into our new house tomorrow. We are picking up the U-Haul truck around 2:30, and we get the keys to our new house shortly after! I am so excited! There is a nice big playground RIGHT outside our back fence, which will be lovely for the boys in the summer. It has a garage!!! Yes, I am excited about a friggin' garage. We have only had carports. Not so lovely for storing things. We will also have a pantry-no more using up cabinet space for food items, and I think the most thing I am excited about....NO MORE BASEBOARD HEATERS!!! For all of my family who has never heard of these, since they live in WARM Florida, they suck. Just so you know. You can't put anything within 6 inches of these awful things, because, well, it is a fire hazard. Try designing a room around that shit. Michael had a blanket from his bed fall onto the heater in his room and it made a godawful smell that permeated the room for days. It didn't burn the blanket as it was not too hot, but warmed it enough to produce some "aromatherapy". Long live central heating!!!!

The boys are excited about moving. Nick has taken to placing certain fave items by the door as if to say "Don't forget this!" He knows something new is going on with all these boxes packed up, and the fact that his matress is now on the floor. He likes to explore new places, as long as he has a place to go for comfort if he needs it. Don't we all like our own "comfy" places?

We won't have internet/tv/phone until Tuesday. So, it might be a quiet weekend actually. Maybe we will break out some board games from our camper? Have a good weekend everyone!!

Something on my Mind...

There was a post on a bulletin board not too long ago. Click HERE to read the article. The story is two mothers were shopping in a local store. One of them had a baby, the other one had an older child. The mother with the baby goes and starts telling her baby "say Hi to the girl". The other mother, tells this mother "Don't let my child get near the baby". But, it was too late. The older child had hit the baby. Before this happened, the mom had said that her daughter has issues and not to let her near the baby. The baby was not seriously hurt, and cried for a few seconds and then was fine. As a parent who has a special needs child, I have been in these awkward situations. Having to apologize for my autistic son when he hit them. It has not happened a lot, but it has happened. Nick has no idea that what he is doing is wrong-he just knows that he is upset. Therefor, trying to tell him what he did was wrong is not going to compute right away. It takes time and lots of repetition. We also try to avoid these outbursts, but honestly, sometimes they just happen and you can't do anything about it. Such is life with having a disabled child. Now, I also have a typical child. And yes, if someone came up and hit him I would be mad. But, some of the responses to that post were just downright horrible. Suggesting that we put our children in "higher" care if we cannot control them, that they are a danger to the general public, and that we should leave them at home. Some question our parenting skills and say things like our children are one step away from being a felon or worse. These are mothers saying this. This is the kind of thing we have to deal with everytime we take Nick out. I can feel people staring at us. Wondering what is wrong with that little boy in the basket as he grunts and bangs constantly on its sides. They stare, and probably talk about him as they are in their cars going home. Sometimes it doesn't bug me. Sometimes it does. Yesterday, it bugged me. Then on the way home, my mind wandered to think of Fran Peek.

Fran's son, Kim Peek, was the inspiration for the movie "Rainman". Kim did not have Autism. Instead, he had Agenesis of the Corpus Collosum-with other impairments. He memorized every book he ever read, new every zip code in the US, among many other amazing feats. Doctors told his parents to put him in a home and forget about him. Kim never went to an institution. Instead, his parents loved him and raised him at home. After his mother passed away, his father, Fran, tended to his every need...every day. Since "Rainman" Kim has had many speaking engagements-accompanied by his father. He continued to learn social cues, and was even developing a sense of humor. Kim Peek died over the holidays. He did not die from his mental condition, he died from a heart attack. His father outlived him. Of course, this is every parents nightmare. But think just for one minute. Kim never had to be institutionalized. Fran never had to worry about who would care for his son when he passed. Never had to worry about the care he would recieve, or that other care givers would simply exploit Kim. Kim lived at home his entire life, and got to travel to world renowned places sharing with the public his amazing abilities. People like that give me the strength I need to make it through another day. The world has lost a great mind, and a great person. We can sure use more Fran and Kim Peeks in our world.

The Power of "NO"...

Last week we noticed that Nick was shaking his head from side to side while sitting at the dinner table. I had put some food in front of him and he began shaking his head. We just thought "Isn't that nice, another sensory stim, ok Nick let's move on now" We thought that, well, because a lot of what Nick does is purely sensory related. From smacking things, to rubbing his head on the carpet, to grinding his teeth. All of these have been phased in and out of our lives at different times. We don't really give it a second thought anymore. I am realizing though that maybe we should. Case in point, the head shaking. The other day, Diane and I had a chance to talk in the hallway while Nick was on a few minute break. She brought up something quite extraordinary. She got the impression that Nick was shaking his head "NO". She would ask him to do a certain task-and he would shake his head. He had done this several times throughout their session, all of them towards being asked to do something. In the few days prior to her and I speaking, we were starting to realize that Nick might just in fact be doing this. For those who have a disabled child, we often buzz around caring for them just as we had when they were an infant. Most of the time we don't even realize we are doing it. Time seems to stand still in that respect. They eat, drink, wear, etc. whatever it is we put in front of them (or feed them by hand) often with little to no protest. NO is a powerful thing. It let's someone know that YOU do not WANT what they are giving you. It let's them know that YOU indeed have a voice and opinion about things being done. It let's them know that YOU are a thinking, feeling, living person. For nearly 6 years Nick has not been able to say No. He has had to be happy with what was given to him. Nick, mommy and daddy are slowly getting a "clue". You are nearly six, and deserve to be treated as such. I am afraid you are discovering girls...in your own way, but also like so many other little boys. Yesterday you learned about Mickey Mouse. You are getting tired of Goldfish crackers for snack, you now like Mandarin Oranges. You love 80's music-and even sing a few songs. Instead of ripping my magazine to shreds, you carried it around for days looking at all the pictures. All four of us are learning on this journey my dear boy, and we are all better people because of you. Don't hold it against us Nick, we can't help being "neuro-typical".

Happy New Year!!

Another year has gone by, and actually I am happy that it is done. I spent a lot of 2009 away from my boys and I hope that 2010 will leave me home more. We move into our new house in just a couple of weeks! Not anxious to have to pack up all our stuff and try to move with two kiddos, but at least this time we won't have to deal with feeding a newborn every 3 hours. When we moved into this house Nick was just a wee baby. With every new year it brings new promise. New skills gained for our Nick and new hope for what he can achieve in the next 12 months. He has gone from eating microwaveable meals consisting of lasagna and ravioli--to eating steak, pork chops, veggies, mashed potatoes, eggs, bacon, and anything else put in front of him. We have even managed some gummi candy, and a chocolate chip cookie. He follows directions, is counting up to 20, learning to draw shapes, and even learning to sight read! Today him and Michael were playing together and getting along. It was such a great thing to see. I often dream about my boys playing together. Except, most of the time it is just that...a dream. In my dreams Nick talks, plays, and runs around like any little boy should. He is not restricted by anything. I see them chasing each other with Nerf guns and laughing. Then the dream is over, and I wake up to reality. Except today, my dream WAS a reality. For that, I am thankful. I am also thankful to have had another year with two amazing kids and a wonderful husband. Happy New Year!! I hope 2010 brings everyone love, health, and happiness.

Pictures from a wonderful day!!

And for the first time Nick actually opened his presents on his own! It was also a day with no fighting...that was very shortlived. They were back to their usual antics this morning.

Merry Christmas Everyone!!

I cannot believe how fast this year has flown by! We have been busy little elves this week. Filling our days with lounging around, staying up late, and lots of family bonding time. Nicholas has dicovered the joys of emptying out all the dresser drawers when he gets upset--hence the lots of family bonding time spent re-folding clothes. We managed to get to the park this week once. And we have also enjoyed running errands and chatting with our neighbors. Our Christmas present to ourselves tomorrow: 2 newly installed baby gates. The fancy schmancy kind. These buggers are drilled into the walls. No prying down the gate by determined five year old hands. All closets are essentially blocked off. Our house is becoming increasingly locked up. We have locks on the washer and dryer, and window locks. Coupled with all the baby gates, no one can get IN or OUT for that matter. Which, is just how we like it.

Needless to say, the holiday break has thrown Nick a little out of whack. I now know how people can claim "temporary insanity". I now know how it feels. Spending any length of time with a 5yr old having numerous meltdowns a day will do that to a person. I had to go to the post office today...don't ask me how I got there...I think I was borderline delirious. I was so out of it that I even took with me the cause of my mental fog. Nick. He was in fine form in the constraints of his "smallish" umbrella stroller. His feet drug on the pavement so I had to *wheely* him all the way back to the car; as he refused to put his feet up. Yes, I dug out the stroller from the abyss of the shed. A mama has to keep her sanity. If I had not used it, surely there would have been a huge line at the post office, Nick would have had a meltdown and socked some poor soul in the back or rear, he would have been trying to escape out to the parking lot, and I did not want to revisit any of our numerous outings in which we were ill prepared(Safeway, DMV, his old school, etc.) Of course, he was a perfect little angel during this trip.

The holiday break did spark a little creative side of me though. One night I was able to come up with our very own version of the "12 Days of Christmas". Enjoy.

12 Days of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas my autie son gave to me:
ONE broken coffee pot
On the second day of Christmas my autie son gave to me:
TWO busy therapists
On the third day of Christmas my autie son gave to me:
THREE huge meltdowns
On the fourth day of Christmas my autie son gave to me:
FOUR new holes in the wall
On the fifth day of Christmas my autie son gave to me:
FIVE whole words
On the sixth day of Christmas my autie son gave to me:
SIX broken closet doors
On the seventh day of Christmas my autie son gave to me:
SEVEN hours of screaming
On the eighth day of Christmas my autie son gave to me:
EIGHT burned out lights
On the ninth day of Christmas my autie son gave to me:
NINE days of tantrums
On the tenth day of Christmas my autie son gave to me:
TEN torn up window screens
On the eleventh day of Christmas my autie son gave to me:
ELEVEN broken cabinets
On the twelvth day of Christmas my autie son gave to me:
TWELVE lovely smiles

Doors....

What is it with Nick and Doors??!! Seriously. We have numerous doors that are either cracked or falling off their hinges. Trying to keep him from doing this is a herculean effort. Every fricken room has at least two doors (closet door and entry door), with the kitchen and bathrooms having even more with cabinets. This has been going on in earnest for over a month now. Leave. the effing. doors. alone! This has been the one thing lately that is literally driving me insane. We get done distracting him from one door, and he just moves on to another door somewhere else in the house. It is neverending. Doors are everywhere. They must be open. They must be closed. They must be slammed against the walls when you open them. Some have the added bonus of making unusual noises as they slam against the baseboard heaters. You can imagine what repeated slamming does to a door. If you can imagine that, then imagine what repeated slamming is doing to my sanity.