Once Bitten......

Ok, I have been really trying to get a "warm fuzzy" about Nick's new school placement since it happened in November. I was thisclose to being there, and then I briefly chatted with one of his teachers today when I picked him up for his eval. at UW.
"Nick has not had a good couple of days" she informed me.
"Oh?" This was news to me; since we bought a small notebook for the teachers to write in everyday(at their request actually) and it has not been seen for weeks.
"He bit the other teacher, and head butted her the other day."
"He BIT her??!!" "What happened??!"
She then proceeded to tell me that each day they require all the kids to sit in a circle on the floor and do "calendar time". I have no idea of what "calendar time" consists of, but apparently Nick was wanting to play with a toy rather than do this. So, his teacher goes and takes the toy from him. Now, in November when he started here, we showed his teacher how to speak to Nick and he will reluctantly hand over what it is you are asking for-minimal protest, and a very controlled Nick. He gets rightfully upset when you just yank it from him. Nick likes order; he likes to feel like everything is under control. Don't we all? Anyway, Nick bit her and headbutted her, and he has been throwing tantrums when transitioning from one thing to the next. He does not do this at home. In fact, he barely does this when out in public. Nick is not a biter. He has never bitten anything other than his own lip before. He must have lost all control of himself in order to do this-which is not a normal thing for him. Now, I am afraid that the teachers will see him differently and act somewhat cold against him. This is not normal for him. He went to Evergreen for two years and he never bit anyone. His teachers all loved him and he thrived. Also, the number of kids in his class has grown from 5 to 9 since November. That is 9 kids-and today there was 4 adults who were also in the class. That is 13 people in a room-all afternoon. It could very well be too much for him. It just seems like they really don't know how to handle him. He is in a room with 12 other people bustling about,expecting things from him, and he goes in to overload. He has no escape. No quiet room he can go to for a few minutes of reprieve. We have an IEP meeting next week and I plan on discussing some of these things. Nick just needs an understanding teacher and he will be ok-I just feel like he will sink at this rate.

On the verge of a breakthrough?

Could it be?? Could it be that Nick is starting to make some real progress in the area of cognitive development? What he did today was a huge leap...no wait....it was a slam dunk!

I came home today and Nick was playing in the front closet with the light on. When he heard me he came out. He was not saying anything, but he was hitting his head with his hand. I thought at first he was frustrated with something, because that is when he usually does this. But, instead of being mad at something, he grabbed my hand and made me hit his head. I can't say HOW, but for some reason I immediately thought of a headache.

I kneeled down to his level and asked "Nick, do you have a headache?" He said nothing, instead he began looking for a place to bang his head. I instantly distracted him by taking his hand and saying, "Ok, let's go get something to fix it."
"Fix it" he understands, and begins to follow me. I find some Children's Motrin and gave him the recommended doseage.

He is still quiet for the next few minutes. Ten minutes or so pass, and Nick is not so quiet anymore. He is screeching with happiness and playing beside me while I clean up the kitchen. Mike notices the drastic change and says "Wow, he must be feeling much better now!" Mike then proceeds to tell me another amazing event that happened today.

He told Nick to pick up all the pillows and put them on the couch. Which, he has normally needed a little help with staying on task and maybe some guidance. Not this day. Nick did it. With no prompts. Words cannot describe how proud I am of my baby boy! My Little Man...Doing the best he can! Today was a good day.

I count this as Imitation....what about you?

This is what transpired as I saw Nick run past me in the kitchen with the dish sponge in hand. Well, he did see me do this ALL DAY with his crayon capers.

Mischievous Nicholas

Oh yes ladies and gents; Nicholas has been very full of himself lately. I have been on crayon patrol most of the day. We keep his crayons very high on the top shelf in the playroom; but that does not deter our little mister. What does he do? Why he pulls up a chair of course and stands on it. His grubby little hands latch on to the oversize crayons, and Nick marks his way down the hallway. Yesterday he managed to open the window in the livingroom and peek his head out. Today he managed to hang one of his bed sheets out the window; last week he had thrown a bucket full of toys into the bush below his bedroom window. Can't say I was all that surprised, given his love of watching things drop. I actually chuckled quite a bit at the image of a blonde haired little boy throwing toys out the window and laughing hysterically as they fell to the bush below. Must have been quite the sight.

How Much is Enough?

I still struggle with this thought. Are we doing enough? Should we fill in his weekend with more hours of therapy, or let him have that time *free*? How much biomed is enough? Should we spike everything he consumes with supplements, do we give him shots of B12 to possibly get some more improvement? What about Nick himself? What would he want? How much improvement do we need to see in him before we can truly say, We are happy? What does Nick think of all this? Does he think that he will never be enough for us? I certainly hope not. I am not trying to start a debate over different therapies-we certainly have seen big gains with doing some biomed, as well as traditional therapies. I know I want the best for Nick. I want him to be the highest functioning that he is capable of, and I am not about to stop any of his programs. But something in me also thinks that he needs to just BE sometimes. He needs time to be his own person-just like we all do. And if being his own person means that he likes to spin toys, and talk non-sense for a little while, why can't that be OK too? He has tons of moments throughout the day where he is looking at us, following directions, following points, imitating, and saying things appropriately. We have spent such a long time trying to make him a part of our world,that we sometimes miss the beauty of his world.One day last week, the tables were reversed.

We were in the boys' bedroom playing around on the floor. Nick came over and kneeled at my side. He then took both of his hands and put them on my cheeks. He proceeded to move my head side-to-side like he does. He was trying to show me something. He wanted me to be a part of his world-he let me in. He enjoyed every second of it-and looked directly at me with a smile from ear-to-ear. For a brief moment, I was in Nick's world.

Word!!

Nick has learned the meaning of the word "No"-and he is using it quite frequently I might add.
"Nick, give me toy"
"No!"
"Nick, give me remote"
"No!"
And the kicker is: Nick is now telling Michael No. He especially does this when Michael tries to take something away. Then it is a 'Noooooo!' sound.

Nick also told our friend "K" to "Give me kisses" when she left.

A Bit of Comfort...

Today is a day to be marked on the calendar; and fortunately it will be because I am sharing it with the blogosphere!

Nicholas sought me out for comfort today for the first time ever. Usually what happens is Nick starts crying somwewhere in the house, and it is up to us to hunt him down and console him. It has been this way since he was born. He never came to us when he was hurt or upset.

Tonight, my baby boy needed reassurance and he came to me for it. Something so simple; but yet a monumental breakthrough. I was in the kitchen and Nick was in the living room. Something did not go his way, and he got upset. The sliding door to the kitchen opened, and my little man walked through and put his head on my shoulder, still crying. I enveloped him in my arms and talked softly to him. A few minutes of cuddles later, he was satisfied and back on his way. Tonight, we moved another mountain in this struggle.

Hakuna Matata!!

We have had quite an eventful week. Our friend "K" is in town visiting and taking care of some last minute things before moving to Texas. I took Michael with me to pick her up from the airport on Tuesday evening. The boys took to her immediately. We brought her back to the house and got her settled in Nick's little work room for the time being. Nick and Michael have loved having an extra person around to play with. She is so good with the boys. We hated to have her leave us, but people tend to move on with their lives as they need to. The boys have accompanied Mike her hither and yon as she runs errands. Yesterday they had to take her car to the dealership for some minor repairs, and as they were talking to the service guy, Nick managed to get behind the counter and turn off all the lights. Everyone else had a look of confusion on their face, Mike and "K" realized in a few seconds and shouted "Nick!". We get those looks quite often-and it is the same result, we know who the culprit is. He can be "very,very sneaky!!"

I had to get them new toothbrushes,because throwing them in the toilet is a sure fire way to get new ones....or rather, Nick throwing them in the toilet. Along with the new toothbrushes, I also bought locks for our toilets and installed them immediately. No worries. I got two of them that sing a tune as you brush. Nick's sings "Hakuna Matata" from "The Lion King". At first he was not sure what to make of this, but now he loves it and laughs the entire time he is brushing!!

"K" brought the boys a big bag of souvenirs from Thailand, and Nick has taken to one of the T-shirts she brought. He was carrying it around most of the morning on Wed. Mike asked him if he wanted the shirt on. Nick said "Shirt on." Well, when Mike put the shirt on him, he realized he could not carry it around anymore and then exclaimed "Nooooo! Shirt OFF!" Poor K was also getting barraged with Nick wanting her to "FIX IT" when one of his toys was not lighting up. The poor girl was clueless as Nick shoved his rhino flashlight at her; until it was explained that all she had to do was turn it on and he would be happy. Nick has surprised us with taking this change rather well. We had to take the top bunk down in order for her to have a bed to sleep in, and he has adjusted with little problems. Change has always been easier for him when he is at his own house. There are a lot of "knowns" around here...and it is the "unknowns" in the rest of the world that are unsettling to him. It was an experience schlepping this kid across the country and staying at a different hotel every night ;)

The List..

My list of things to do today somehow keeps growing. Just as it does on most weekends.
Our morning routine on the weekends goes something like this: I wake up(sometime after the boys do of course) and sneak into the shower while no one appears to be "needy" of anything. I get dressed and venture out into the abiss of the livingroom; which by now has all the pillows on the floor, maybe some clothing,and of course toys. I give Nick a sippy cup and that will usually last him until I get the dishes done and make breakfast.
Breakfast is two waffles with syrup. If we are out of waffles, then our day is already off to a bad start. Nick loves waffles. Pancakes are a suitable substitute, but anything else is met with uncertainty and whininess. I also fix breakfast for Michael. Sometimes he wants waffles too, sometimes cereal, sometimes just bacon will do.
Then we hang around the house for a couple of hours. I am trying to catch up on laundry-so the washer is usually running all weekend. Depending on the weather, I take one of the boys on any errands I might have just to spend a little time with each of them.
Today I need to do a few things. More laundry. Go to the grocery store. Go to Safeway-they have bigger containers of Rice Milk, and lunch size containers. Clean our bedroom, clean the toilets, and straighten up the house a little. I might take little Mr Sunshine with me, he likes to go places and seems to have fun no matter how mundane the task is.

The dreaded Cold.....

UGH! I hate it when Nick gets a cold. Not just because my baby is sick, but because he gets snot ALL over him....literally. He wakes up with it all crusted to his face,hands,shirt,hair,etc. It is quite literally "here,there,and everywhere!" Then comes the sneezing. Rocket propelled goop goes all over-it is really quite an experience. Not so much a pleasant one either. Here's to snotless days very soon.

Headbanger's Ball.....

We have a new hole in our wall courtesy of Nick. Saturday morning we saw a part of Nick that we thought had passed. Headbanging. Nothing seemed to go right for him on Saturday morning, and he spent much of the morning being crabby and pissed about things. I can only take so much crabbiness before I bust, and after about two hours of crying/whining/general unhappiness; I sent him to his room. He spent a little time in there "cooling off", while I relished a few minutes without any screaming of any sort. After our manic morning, we had quite a lovely afternoon. I took my little bud to Wal-Mart, and the outing seemed to be just what he wanted. That boy loves to go bye-bye. You say the words and he is standing at the door like a racehorse waiting at the gate. When you open it you had best better be ready to run after him!

As we walked from the parking lot, I looked down to see Nick in true bliss. It was raining out,but that did not matter to him. He was looking up into the heavens, smile from ear to ear, letting the rain fall on his face. I must admit, part of me was jealous-he was enjoying that with every fiber of his being-something most of us are not privvy to because it would be deemed we were "strange".

Sunday was a better day for us. Although Nick did bang his head once. We can kind of track how much he has grown by the height of all the dents in our walls. The previous dents are about 4-5 inches lower than the current ones. =)

Monday we finally got the package we had been waiting for. I got two bottles of the KidsChelate from www.evenbetternow.com and gave him a dose in his juice cup. I crossed my fingers that he would drink the juice, and he did! I was so happy! We have tried some supplements this way only to have him throw the cup to the floor after one sip. The only thing I have noticed so far is an increase in farting. Not sure what that is about yet. LOL!

Patience.......

I am sorry to say that this is not something I have had a whole lot of the past couple days. It does not help me any that it has been raining constantly for what seems like forever. Nick has been trying some new foods; which is a good thing. BUT, he is not really into swallowing them. So, what does he do you might ask?? He hoardes it in his mouth. It makes what should be a 15 minute meal into a 45 minute long ordeal. [[sigh]] Then, once he is out of his chair, I still have to watch him because I have caught him dumping the contents of his mouth onto the livingroom floor. [[Grrrrr!]]

His OT was supposed to start today; but was cancelled due to the therapist having to teach a class or go to a class or something like that. I was too annoyed to really pay attention.

Right now I am trying to hold my sanity together and make it to their bedtime. Which, from the looks of it, will be promptly at 8pm!

Nick's Favorite Toy

Who knew a play microwave would be such a BIG HIT?? This is the Cadillac of play microwaves though. Not only does it have working buttons, but a timer, a table that turns inside, and lights that come on just like the real thing! It even beeps when the "food" is done! Needless to say, lots of items around the house get "nuked" in this contraption-the phone,pens,my hat, socks, and whatever else Nick can jam in there. We have already had to replace batteries four times since Christmas. But, who could not love this face??

By the way, the REAL microwave is JUST as fascinating to him!

Diaper Dilemma...

I came across a bit of a dilemma today at the grocery store. Earlier last week I had gone to Safeway(not our usual store)and bought a big pack of Huggies Overnights. These are wonderful diapers for Nick as they hold up overnight, and it was truly nice to have a week where I did not have to change sheets. Anyway, I went to our usual store today to stock up on some items since school is starting again tomorrow(maybe....as I left the house this afternoon it started snowing and has not stopped). One of the items we needed was diapers. I looked for the big pack of Huggies...none to be found. They had the Overnights, but only 27 in a pack. UGH. If we use those all the time we would be buying more in just 2-3 days(some get sent to school). But, if I buy our usual big pack of Luvs and use those at night, we are back to changing sheets at least twice a week. I do not like doing more laundry than I have to. I finally decided to get both. Yes, it was expensive, but it is either a few extra dollars, or an extra load of laundry?? Hmmmm. Hopefully this year we can get Nick potty trained! Maybe I will start doing my shopping in both stores??

New Year...New Things A Happenin'

Nick starts his Occupational Therapy on the 7th-we have been waiting for this for 11 months!! I still cannot believe it took that long! Yesterday I ordered some chelation drops for children and a hair test to determine if he has heavy metals in his system. We have such a difference in him after the clay baths, that we wanted to see if it will get even better after he gets the drops. He is still very much autistic, but I have read that heavy metals can also affect digestion-and Nick has lots of issues there. I am still waiting a response from his doctor about the comprehensive digestion stool analysis-maybe looking further into his digestive system will lead us to more clues about him. As for Nick, well, he is still just our Nick.. :) People still think he is adorable when he goes up to them and plays "hide and seek" from mommy or daddy in the stores.

Wednesday night we did not do much. I went over to the neighbor's for a while and chatted with them-Mike stayed home with the boys. I came back home and spent the last few minutes of 2008 with them. Nick went to bed at his normal time-no sense in having a super cranky 4yr old the next day with everyone else who was tired.

Thursday I went to Safeway and bought more rice milk for Nick since we had run out. I also found some gluten free/lactose free Pedia Sure. Nick loves the regular stuff, and I had not noticed if it was gluten free/lactose free before, so I bought it. He had some of the regular stuff last week, and he also had some pretty narly diarrhea a couple of times-so maybe that was the cause. If so, then I know the poor kid really cannot handle milk. Lactose intolerant maybe??

Friday we took down all our Christmas stuff! I was ready to see it go. Now things are back to normal, and we can get on with 2009. We went and bought some storage cabinets for all the gaming crap that we have(i.e. controllers, games, and the other crap that seems to accumulate with that stuff). We also bought a dresser for Nick! It's only been almost FIVE YEARS since he graced us with his presence-I guess he is here to stay..LOL! Nick was having fun walking beside the cart. I rarely ever let him do this when I am out alone with him; he likes to run and it makes things very difficult. It is almost to the point where he will need one of those leash thingies-he is just getting too tall for the baskets. It is hard to get him in and out of them because his legs are so long. But, when we are all out together, we usually let him walk. After we got all the stuff, we headed to Quizno's for dinner. They are familiar with us there and know Nick. He was enjoying every minute of this and was "silly-talking" the whole time. There really is no other way to describe it-it is Nick's own made up jargon that he does when he is happy. He had two pieces of the Quizno's tape and was in heaven. It felt like we were a normal family. We were eating in peace, and Michael was astonishing us by eating all the hot peppers he could tolerate! We all had a great time!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

2009 already??!! Where on earth does the time go? I just have a couple of "resolutions"

1. Get more melatonin We ran out last night. I was scraping the bottom of the bottle to get the few drops that remained. Nick continues to wake up in the middle of the night laughing uncontrollably. At least for now, he stays in his room.

2. Get more rice milk Hopefully we can find an open grocery store to get more of this milk.

3. Stop getting toys that speak Spanish Nick got one of those for Christmas. It speaks both English and Spanish. Right now I am listening to "Old Macdonald" in Spanish. Nick barely speaks English-all we need is for him to learn Spanish and start talking to us. I have a feeling he will though. It sounds a lot like his own made up silly-talk that he uses on a daily basis(he says what sounds like "ehnurlygurd")

4. Try to understand Nick more I am talking about inside and out. I want to find out what is going on with his digestive tract, have him tested for heavy metals, and some allergy testing. Even though these things likely did not "cause" him to be autistic, they certainly are not helping him any. Especially his digestive problems. If we can just find out the cause of that problem, it will be a great year. Poor kid is plagued by mushy,loose, or runny stools 90% of the time-something is going on.


As for what "causes" autism-we may never narrow it down to one thing. I think that Nick was autistic from birth. He may have started out seemingly "normal", but on the inside things were already going awry. It is possible that he was never able to tolerate certain things in our environment; and on the surface it initially started as a bad case of eczema. I have since read that eczema originates in the gut. So, that was one thing. Nick also seemed to me like a very "floppy" baby. I could not put my finger on it exactly, but he was not sturdy like Michael was, despite him being bigger. Maybe his body was never able to excrete things like heavy metals-then he gets vaccines; which his already sensitive system just could not handle very well. I think ALL of these combined play a part. Why not? We are a society that has become filled with people who have allergies, irritable bowel syndrome, anxiety, depression, etc. Someone has to wonder if things in our environment are getting to such a toxic point that our bodies cannot handle it? These are just some of the areas my mind wanders to occasionally. I believe all these things could be a factor in this whole autism mystery. But, what do I know? I am just a mother to an autistic child who has been LIVING this disorder for almost five years.



TV. I am sorry, but if TV caused autism, then Nick would be perfectly fine. In fact, Michael would be the one with Classic Autism if that were the case. TV does not cause autism. End. Of. Story. More on autism myths later.

Little Brother vs. Big Brother

This morning started out very serene; much like the winter landscape photo on the post below. The boys woke at 8am and wandered out to the living room. I was still fast asleep until around 8:30 when I hopped in the shower. Then it was on to the job of opening up all the presents. Nick left that up to us-all he wanted to do was play with the stuff once it was out. I think he was a little too overwhelmed-but he handled it beautifully(aka...no meltdowns)Since things have quieted down, seems Nick is silently taking stock of the goods. He has been wandering over to Big Brother's pile of goodies and giving them the eye. He has even started the "sneak attack" approach. A certain forbidden item has caught his eye and when Big Brother is not looking, Nick does a quick snatch and runs to a part of the house out of view. Once the two meet however, it's "game on". Michael snatches back, Nick once again waits til Michael is distracted and the game continues. I could watch this for hours...it is like a game of chess...with Nick silently plotting his next move.

Happy Holidays!

Hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday! This time of year always tends to make me a little sad. For the simple reason of just autism. There are two times of the year that really do this to me: Christmas, and Nick's Birthday. Don't get me wrong, we still celebrate and have loads of fun, but it becomes blaringly obvious that we are still so far behind. I know I should be extremely thankful for all that I do have; but dang it, I just wish Nick could enjoy things like the rest of us-if only for just a day. He DOES enjoy things, I shouldn't say that he doesn't, but, one day I would like to hear from him how much he wants to bake some cookies,or, he wants hot chocolate after sledding-simple things like that.

We have had a few tantrums since school has been out. Poor kid, he got thrown into a family who likes to do things on a whim sometimes,and it rocks his little world. Yesterday he got mad because he had to stop riding on the sled and get in the car. He screamed all the way to the store. Today he was flying off the handle for most of the morning-the smallest things would upset him. His schedule is all flipped around, and we are doing things we don't normally do because it is Christmas.

By the way, Nick loves to go sledding. We found out the other day when I took both the boys out in the snow. We have had about a week full of winter storms, and there is about 6-8" of snow on the ground. Nick LOVES to walk in it, put his hands in it(of course, he discovers it is wet and then promptly wipes his hands on my sweater with such a look of distress that I have to laugh) and let it fall on his face. We are supposed to get 1-2" tonight, and another 1-2" on Christmas Eve. We are even supposed to get some on Christmas morning; so I am super excited. This will be the boys' first "White Christmas". We don't have much planned for the big day itself. Open presents, play with our new toys, and enjoy the day. For one day I plan to just enjoy the day and not think about anything but my three men. Happy Holidays Everyone!

It's Beginning to look a lot Like Christmas....

Michael and I took a walk down the street, and I thought the tree was pretty.

The side of the house. I-5 is right on the other side of that cement wall.

Michael. Nick was standing in the doorway inside the house. He does not care too much for the snow.

Looking down our street from the driveway.

Our snowman was getting weighed down with the real stuff!
This was our first snowfall of the season.

Deck the Halls.....& our house!

Here are some pics of the house and our tree. I decided to take some before the rest of the lights went out..LOL! We lost one string during yesterdays storm.