Last weekend of summer....

So, yesterday I had the day off from work and I thought I would run a few errands to prepare for school. The day was going just peachy until our 16yr old dog decided to leave a puddle as big as the Mississippi River in our hallway. I do believe some (ok, A LOT) of expletetives were used in the clean up process. Naturally these happened to be used in front of my now highly echolalic 6yr old...in which he promptly repeated to himself in his room. Shit! Now I have to deal with that too. Anyway, I get the boys dressed and ready to go. Mike is staying home to do the yard...as it resembles a jungle by now. I give Nick a brief run down of the day's events. First we will go to Michael's school, then we go to Nick's school, then we go to the store. Nick is fine with this, and things are going beautifully. Until...

We get to Michael's school. It is crowded with parents doing last minute things (like us) in a rush before the year starts. At his Open House last week we were told that he needed a Tdap shot before he could start school. No problem. I made the appointment, we went, and it turns out he didn't need it at all-so we got the paperwork from the nurse and I thought I would bring it to his school for his records. I am standing at the counter, restraining Nick with both hands to keep him from running away, and listening to the secretary tell me that Michael needed the Varicella vax and NOT the Tdap! WHAT??!! This would have been good to know like LAST WEEK! I mention something about good luck trying to get an appt. before school starts..and held my tongue. In my mind I am cursing up a storm, but outwardly I manage to be civil and even smile. Walk the boys back to the car, and head to Nick's school to get the list of school supplies. In the parking lot of the elementary school I call the appointment line on my cell phone and manage to get Michael one for the 13th of Sept. Oh well. That is the best I can do. Mike also calls me. He calls to tell me the weed eater blew up and that he would not be able to finish the yard. Ummm, I could care less about the yard right now sweety-my day has been de-railed, but I am guessing you are okay since you are calling me? By the way, Nick had decided to poop once we got in the car...so the backseat area was rather smelly, and I had to take smelly boy to the schools like that. I am pretty sure that by this point, I had that "Don't Fuck with Me" look on my face.

We get home to change smelly boy, eat a bit of lunch, and prepare for the major outing of our day. SCHOOL SHOPPING. I can honestly say that it was at risk for spiraling out of control. Michael did not like Nick even touching anything of his-so it was becoming quite the scream fest. I had enough. It is no use scolding Nick for screaming, so I grabbed a couple of notebooks with the 3D pictures on the front, and a happy child we had. We also had to buy new winter jackets, some more long sleeved shirts, and new shoes for both. During this time Nick managed to escape and was all the way at the front of the store before I could catch him. I noticed the stares as I was escorting him back to the family. I could care less. Let them fucking stare. My kid is smarter than yours...school supplies be damned!

Got home and divided up the supplies. They are all set, and we were worn out. Today was much better! We had our YMCA playgroup this afternoon, and got to talk with other special needs parents. What a joy! They held it in the gymnastics room and all the kids had a blast! Got some cool motion pictures of Nick and Michael. Enjoy!

Fixed it!!

I finally fixed the blog! Now it is more appealing to look at...LOL!

A Meltdown vs. A Tantrum

For anyone who has seen an autistic child have a meltdown, then you are aware of the drastic difference. For those that have not, I will do my best to describe what a meltdown can entail. Today, Nick had a meltdown of the likes we have not seen since starting him on Risperdal in April. One minute he was fine, the next minute he is screaming uncontrollably, laying on his bed, covering his face up with his blanket, shaking his head back and forth, biting his lips until they bleed, and his whole body seems to be so enraged that he shakes. At that point, my child is no longer 'there'. It is during these rages that he will bang his head or hit himself in the face. Before starting medication, these would happen almost daily. They would render Nick unable to function, and our whole focus at that time would be damage control. A toddler having a tantrum is normally due to them not getting what they want. A meltdown can occur from something as simple as lights being too bright, the microwave being turned on, or even the wind as it blows past his ears. Any of these situations can send Nick into a cataclismic state. It can also be caused by anxiety. Anxiety over a simple schedule change, if he has to wait a few minutes at the table for dinner, if he sees an oscillating fan, etc. Yes, these have happened in public. I can't reason with him and tell him to 'stop it, or else.' These are things that literally HURT him. You cannot begin to imagine how it is to watch your child endure something like this and feel so helpless.

What a weekend.......

Yes, I know I am late for the weekend wrap up; but when you hear about our busy weekend-you'll understand why!

Saturday: Started off ok. Got up around 7am in order to get the kids ready for their swimming classes. We had our usual of waffles and cereal. The only hiccup in this process was that Mike did not go because he was not feeling up to it. Ok. I schlep the kids to the YMCA and we all stand in the hallway waiting for one of the three family dressing rooms to open up. In all actuality, there is only two that we can use-unless we want to endure torturous screaming. The third room is the bathroom-and we all know PUBLIC RESTROOM=TOTAL MELTDOWN. We finally get changed into swimsuits and make our way to the pools. I get Nick all situated with a life jacket, and we get into the little pool where Nick has his lessons. I don't see his regular swim teacher. Uh-oh. There was a sub on this day. Uh-oh. Nick wanted nothing to do with her. Everytime she came near us, he cried and looked the other way. After a couple of times of this, M, the older girl in his class(she has epilepsy) said matter-of-factly to the teacher: "You're making him cry! You need to stop doing that to him!" We all got a chuckle out of that. Fortunately, the teacher has an autie of her own, so she took no offense to him utterly ignoring her! After that it was time for Michael's swim lesson. Michael's are in the big lap pool. Me and Nick got changed back into our dry clothes and sat on the bench watching Michael. Nick was at this point, getting a little out of sorts, but nothing extreme...yet.
By the time we got home, Nick ran straight to his room to lay down. He was screaming and shaking his head; his behaviors were reminiscent of the months before we started Risperdal. Oh G*d, not this again!
Mike went into his room to see if there was anything he could do to soothe him. He came out and said "I think his tummy is hurting...he keeps putting his hands down there and holding it. I think you should go in and be with him." I went in, kneeled by his bed and asked "What do you want Nick?" He sat up and replied "I want squeezes". At this point, I am thinking he is still upset about the sub teacher. After a squeeze, he laid down again and was still upset. I asked him if he wanted more squeezes-and he sat up and said "More squeeze". I squeezed him again; he laid down and said "goodnight". A few minutes pass, and he then comes out and lays on the floor. Still trying to figure out what is going on with him when we notice the wretched smell coming from his diaper. Nick had the mother of all BM's and this was smelly even by his standards! It was a ripe and heavy load. We got him cleaned up and were on our way to playgroup. He was feeling much better, and back to his normal self. WHew! Playgroup today took place in the gymnastics room. Safe to say that both Nick AND Michael enjoyed this!! They were jumping on the trampoline(which happened to be part of the floor...very neat!), Michael was swinging into the foam pit, Nick was swinging on the bars, and they both just had a grand ole time! Afterwards Nick had another ripe BM, but this one not as bad as the first. We went to skate, and that was pretty much it for Saturday. Saturday night Mike found Michael sitting in his room watching "Temple Grandin" on HBO! HUH??

Sunday: I am getting a shower when Michael asks through the door, "Mom? When did Nick start talking?" "Ummm, around four I guess." "Hmmmm, just like Temple Grandin!" he answered back. He still uses quite a bit of his own jargon, but little conversations are emerging. On this night, he told his brother "Goodnight, I love you." I know this because I suddenly heard Michael say "I love you too Nick!" Michael has been waiting for nearly 6yrs to hear his brother say "I love you". It was enough to make you cry tears of joy. I decide to try and take Nick off of his melatonin. The PC3X has a calming effect(YAY), and the Risperdal also makes him a little drowsy. I figured it would be worth a shot to try and decrease what we could. So, for the past two nights, we have been free of melatonin. Cross your fingers that we can continue!

Yesterday we had his chiropractor visit. Before the doctor came in Nick was jumping up and down saying "want doctor, want doctor" WHAT??!! I explained that we would have to wait and that the doctor is not ready yet. When Dr A. came in, Nick was giddy with laughter and played peek-a-boo with him! I told him of his rather smelly BM on Saturday, and he just said "GOOD! That means it is working! It is cleaning him out, just what we want it to do." Even the small things are being noticed...for example, Mike now says that he can now tell when Nick is doing a BM-he gets that 'look'...which leads us to think HE might now realize when he has to go as well. One day at a time.

Community.....

It has been another busy week here in our house. The summer activities are in full swing, and we are doing something at least 6 days a week. There is so much going on really that I do not know where to start. I guess we will start with some medical stuff. Nick's chiropractor has ordered one of the biomedical treatments that has been beneficial to kids with autism; that should be in on Tuesday. It will cost us $110 for a three month supply, but if it helps him then it will be well worth it. If it doesn't, then we can at least say we tried. It was brought up by one of the other chiropractors in his office one time when Mike took him in, so we wanted to ask Dr. A (his chiro.) about it. He said no problem and that he would go ahead and order it.

We are also in the process of finding a new tutor for Nick. Tracy still comes twice a week, and we are trying to find someone to pick up another two days.

Today Nick thought it would be fun to wake up around 6am. Not only was he awake at 6am, but he was roaring to go. Much to my dismay, and to Mikes'. I managed to get him to wait in his room for another hour or so. But after that it was futile. I kept hearing this little voice beside my head going "I want meeeeeelk. I want meeeelk."
One thing about Nick is that he knows what he wants and he won't let up until he gets it. He is also becoming more and more verbal. Which is a double edged sword. It seems that while his word usage is going up, his loud; unintelligible vocal stims increase at fever pitch. Although, I do notice this more when we are out and about rather than at home. I guess I will take what I can get.

So, I must say, that although we are busy beyond belief with all the activities going on; very positive things have happened. Nick is getting out in the community-and the community is getting to know Nick. The staff at the YMCA have fallen in love with him. They always say Hi to him and ask how he is doing today. He smiles big when he is in the pool and he sees his swim teacher. He knows he is about to have some fun and loves the water. There are other special needs kids in that class, and it is wonderful. Both of the boys have benefited from our YMCA membership, and we are there two-three times a week. He also has a playgroup every Saturday afternoon, which from the above picture, gives everyone a workout. He runs for every door he can get to, often followed by one or two staff members or us. It is quite comical.
Since we have been going to the skating rink, people have started to talk TO Nick as well. It is also nice to have people walk by and say "He having a good day today? He is doing so much better now!" We have met Eddie-the zamboni driver, and the figure skaters who spin in front of Nick when they see him, the hockey coaches who have offered to take Nick out on the ice and the other wonderful people. I love the fact that they treat him like other 6yr olds and talk to him. I like to think that even though he may be jumping and flapping, he understands what they are saying to him. I also like to think that one day, he will start talking back to them.

Weekend Wrap up...

I know, I know, it is a little early for a weekend wrap up, but figured since I had some down time I might as well. Friday started off rather slow. I thought it would be an easy day, with no appointments until 4:30pm. Apparently I was wrong. We got a call around 3pm from another tutor. She had scheduled a meeting/interview with Mike while I was gone, and today was the day. It was scheduled for 3:30pm, and we had to leave for Nick's chiropractor around 4pm. Ok. Not.So.Bad. She did not make it here until nearly 4pm. I met her in the driveway on the way to the chiro. Nick was not happy about this derailment of plans, and cried and covered his face to show his displeasure. We talked to her for a little bit, and she gave us a resume to look at. I then jetted off to the chiropractor, missing our 4:30 time by about 10 minutes. I hate being late. We were still allowed to see the chiro. and Nick got some adjustments. When we got home, Mike and I held a "family meeting" on the back porch to discuss the tutor situation. Mike thought she might be over qualified and more set in her ways since she is a little older and more educated than his others. If there is one thing we have learned, it is that with Nick it is better to be more flexible in ones' thinking. His current tutors have generally followed our lead with what works for Nick-and he was concerned that an older, more educated(not saying that education is wrong) adult might be a little more 'set' than the younger types. We came to the decision to try it out, and see how she works with Nick. It took him about a month to come around to the other tutors, and I did not want to base an assumption on a simple 5-10 minute meeting. We really had no time to actually talk to her in depth about Nick. Now the problem was trying to schedule everything.

Saturday started off at 9am with swimming lessons for both kiddos. Actually, Nicks' was more or less just playing in the water with other special needs kiddos-but I do think there might be some actual learning going on. If not, who the hell cares, it gives us a chance to be social and not have anyone judge or laugh at my little man. All the kids in that class are just adorable anyway. Then, at 10am it was time for Michael's swim lesson. That went on until 11am-at which point we came back home, ate some lunch and then it was time to head to playgroup. This was comedy hour. Two YMCA staff members not well versed in autism in a big gym with two autistic kids. Sit back and marvel at the mayhem. Nick alone gives in-experienced adults a run for their money...imagine times two! There are also 4 sets of doors in said gymnasium-and for those that know Nick; that is enough said. The whole hour was spent with Nick flying by us laughing, and an exhausted staff member chasing behind him. By the time 6 weeks is up, they should be Olympic class sprinters. It is very entertaining to think people in their 20's are having a very hard time catching a six year old. People tell us "don't worry, we can catch him" and to them we say "Okay, GO!" Then is when they say "Man he is FAST!" Yup. We know.

Saturday and Sunday evenings are hockey practice. Not much went on then other than hockey. Which, we have to start getting ready for now, so I have to cut this short. More pictures to follow later.

Home Sweet Home....

I am posting this from HOME!! I got home around 1:30pm yesterday afternoon and have been going non-stop. I have a little time now to get on here and post before I have to pick up hubby and Michael at the movies. They went to see "The Last Airbender", and I am just hanging out at home with Nick. I dived right back into Nick World yesterday. By the time we got home one of Nick's tutors was here and we all went on a scheduled play date with another little boy with autism (and his tutor). His mother came also, and while the kids 'played' with their tutors, us grown ups got a chance to talk some. After all that, it was almost time to take Michael to his dance lessons at the YMCA. Dance was finished at 7:15pm. Then it was time to pick up some dinner, give each boy their meds, give them baths, and settle down to bed. This morning I was up at 8am. Nick told me he wanted some milk,and a few minutes later he said he wanted waffles. Michael was already up playing a new computer game, and said he was not hungry. Today we went and renewed the Jeep registration, then I dropped hubby and Michael off at the movies. Tonight I am being told is skating night, so we will be at the ice rink. Will try to see if I can post some pictures later. That's all for now.

Almost Home

I have just a few more days left here in Colorado. School has been challenging at times, but have gotten through it. I talk to the boys almost daily....I cringe to see our phone bill when I get home LOL. Nick and Michael have been having a good time with daddy, and they sound like they have been keeping themselves busy with activities; which of course, I will be diving right into when I get home. Guess I am going to try to enjoy my last quiet weekend ;)

Nick has gotten used to the zamboni now and no longer screams when it comes out to clean the ice-he just likes to make sure that it does not leave the rink and come after him :) Constant exposure sometimes helps with those things, but has not worked for the vacuum or microwave...go figure. Nick even will talk to me on the phone. Although his conversations revolve around making sure we are not going to vacuum or use the microwave :) LOL. Just gotta love him.

Michael is helping daddy out with the house cleaning and yard work. Both of them are now enrolled in swim lessons. Michael has also started a hip-hop class and he told me yesterday his teacher told him he was his favorite student. He still loves his skating, and is getting to be pretty good at it. Next weekend will be my first weekend dealing with all the summer stuff...they have swim lessons starting at 9am! Oh well, I will be with all my boys again and be loving it.

Feel so 'out of it'

That is one thing that I hate about being away from my boys. I feel so out of touch with them. I am now officially the parent of a junior high schooler, and a special needs first grader. Michael did get accepted into a prep school for his sixth year, so that is good. And since I have been away, their summer schedule has slowly filled up. Michael and Nick are both taking swim lessons at the YMCA. Although Nick will be in a special ed class. Michael is also taking dance and tae-kwon-do. Add that to the weekends when he is at the skating rink. By the way, he has learned to skate backwards and scored his very first goal in ice-hockey practice. He was so proud of himself-so I hear. Nick is quite the ladies man it turns out. He gets all kinds of girls to spin and twirl in front of him(laughing uncontrollably at them as they do so), and gets them to give him their little smushy/sticky wall climbers. He can do all this without saying a word....just merely laughing at them and having a good time (although, daddy does help to point them in the right direction of said blonde boy laughing).

I just feel so out of the whole autism world. In some ways it is a nice break, but in others it just feels blah. It is like almost like a big void in my life right now. Autism is such a huge chunk of my life, that I almost feel 'naked' without it. Imagine my surprise when a classmate of mine here asked for some pointers on dealing with an autistic boy that her hubby was providing daycare for! Yes! I am in my world again! I started rattling off all kinds of things about Nick and some of the ways we have helped him, and some of the ways that others have helped. I let her know about tactile stimulation(as in how stickers help Nick calm down by just feeling the stickiness over and over), how sensitive his senses are, and how he needs to be warned when something different is about to happen or something loud. I don't know how much it helped her hubby, but I know she seemed to think it made sense.

Anyway, going to go for now. Probably will not post again until I am back home on the 15th.

Update....

I am out of town until the 15th of July, so there may not be any blog posts until then. I will however still be on facebook if you want to keep up. Hubby and the boys are back home, so I don't have much daily contact other than a telephone call a few minutes a day. What I can tell you is that hubby took Nick to his Chiropractor last Friday and he said some things were brought up by the Doctor. One of them being a heavy metals test and possible spray to chelate them from his system. Not sure what we will decide on that yet, but it is a possibility. Michael had hockey practice today and other than that, no big news. Not sure how many posts I will do while I am away, but just so you all know, we are still here. Still getting through whatever comes our way.

Weekend Wrap up...

We had a very busy weekend but very fun as well. Saturday we woke up and had our normal breakfast (two waffles for Nick, cereal for Michael). The boys and I went to the BX so that I could pick up some last minute items for my uniforms, and I picked up uniforms from the alterations shop. We then came home and ate lunch. After that, we headed down to Charlies' Safari to meet up with a friend of mine and her boys. Mike came along for this one. He was curious as to what the place was, and recognised that I would need help with Nick. I was glad that he came along! I mean, I normally AM glad that he comes along with us, but this time I could not have done without him. We get to Charlies and Nick cannot stand all the noise. We figured this might happen. Mike volunteers to go outside with Nick so I could stay and talk as well as watch Michael.

After sitting and talking for a bit, I thought it would be nice to get some sodas, but my wallet was in the car-and Mike had the keys.I called him on my friends cell phone and he told me they were in one of the stores next to Charlies. We met up outside and he wanted to show me what they found in the furniture store.

Nick fell in love with this chair! It spun around and around. He stayed on this thing for at least 10 minutes. We then toured the whole furniture store with Nick 'testing' all the furniture. He could really get a job doing that-he put that stuff through its' paces. After the fun furniture store, I then went back to Charlies to get our drinks and resume talking with my friend. About 20 minutes later, Mike comes back in with Nick. But this is different...Nick is not screaming. We try once again to get him to go on the inflatable jump castles. Low and behold he DID! Turned out that my friends' youngest boy was a great peer model for Nick! This is what we saw the rest of our visit:






Thanks B. for being such a wonderful friend to Nick!
We ended up going out to eat afterwards and just had a really awesome Saturday! Nick ate Pasta Marinara at Ruby Tuesday's, and mommy enjoyed a chocolate shake. We left there stuffed to the gills!
And today....


We signed the big boy up for Hockey. He has ice skating lessons starting in June-and then; ice hockey. Good thing we have awesome health insurance...

Our Newest Project...

This is what we have been working on for the last couple of weeks. It took a while to figure out the program and exactly what we could do with it. My computer kept freezing up everytime we would come close to finishing it, which was very frustrating. However, now that we have the trial version complete, we wanted to see what others would think. Nick watched it tonight after it was complete, and he loved it. He was repeating quite a few of the words. He knows most of the items already, but now we have added the words to what he likes as well as my voice saying the letters and words. Things like Sesame Street or even some of the other videos we have for autie kids were just too confusing for him. Nick does not get much out of characters, and even simple story lines are lost on him. So, we made our own. And will continue to do so because he really did enjoy it. Let me know if you all like it...

Wordless Wednesday...

Busy Weekend...

First we had this....



Which means some of these came over....




They brought some of these...



Which led to a few of these...




Today we did a lot of this....


Which led to a little bit of this...



We then went and bought some more of these...


Then it was time for *ahem* this....


Finally, it was time for this...


And we think you are weird too...

My Boys...

They are like my air. I need them in order to survive. They are a package deal. I cannot have one without the other. They are exactly how they were meant to be. No, things are not exactly 'perfect' in some people's eyes, but they are perfect to me. They are MY boys.

A Look....

Today I called his name and he LOOKED at me, and waited for me to tell him to do something. Today, he was snorting like a pig--on purpose. Today, he went to daddy and said "goodnight" when I did not even tell him to do so. He was there. He told me he wanted applesauce-while he looked right at me.

Had another chiropractic appointment with Nick today. He is getting better. Said hi to the receptionist(with just verbal direction from me), said hi to Tutor on his own. Nick got a few more adjustments, in which he stayed completely still again following docs orders. In fact, Nick got onto the table on his very own. I asked the doctor what it is exactly he is doing. He told me he is removing/adjusting what Nick's body tells him to. Today he told me he removed some emotional thing that he said happened to Nick when he was three years old. He said he could even tell me the date if I wanted. I said No, but I was wondering what it was exactly. He said there is more to chiropractic care than just adjusting the spine. He is treating the entire central nervous system, and if need be, we can even go further in our treatments and start detoxing with the aide of his nutritionist on staff. He is pleased so far with the positive results he is getting. Maybe he is getting these from Nick during adjustments? I do know that we are seeing some results after his adjustments. Last Friday, his tutor graphed his Requesting at 80% during their session--the highest it has ever been. But, apparently school is still seeing the 'old' Nick-running off, slamming doors, etc. Which leads me to wonder-why the drastic difference in settings? Could it be that Nick knows the teachers are outnumbered and therefor he just goes for it?? Could it be that he suppresses his desires for such things while at home and lets loose at school?? Not exactly sure how to fix this problem. Maybe he is frustrated because he thinks they treat him like a baby?? How many years can one really stand going over the ABC's? When he was bored during therapy he would just stare out the window and his therapists were having trouble reaching him. We told them to challenge him with different things, and low and behold, they were shocked with what he knew! Maybe the same is now happening at school? Is he tired of the same old curriculum he has been getting since he was three?? One has to wonder.

Notes....

I was asked to keep track of any changes in Nick since we started with the chiropractor; so here goes.

The first visit went well. Nick really enjoyed it and seemed very at ease with everything-despite being a little anxious at first. After we got home, Nick was very verbal and laughing and playing outside. Mike asked me what I did to him to make him like that. I said 'Nothing'. Suddenly, Nick passed some gas and headed back to his room stating 'I need a diaper'.

Yesterday, while working with his tutor, Nick's verbal requests were at an all time high. 80%. He has never been that high since starting the program last summer. His tutor showed me the graphs they have been charting of all of his undesirable behaviors. They have dropped. This was also since starting the Risperdal. His slamming doors/hitting/banging have gone down considerably. I have not seem him bang his head in two weeks. Meltdowns have decreased, and the ones he does have he is easily consoled and can get a hold of himself much quicker. Last night in the bath, not only did he play in the tub-be he did not want to get out. He did not scream-but he kept going back every chance he got to get in the water. This is a rather new development-and a welcome one.

Today was his second visit. He said "hi" to the receptionist with some prompts, but left out the "SAY" as in "SAY hi". He simply said "hi". We practiced exchanging some social chit chat, and his responses were the same. He left out the "SAY" in all of them. For someone whose speech is largely echolalic, this is a step in the right direction. He smiled at the doctor, and did not distribute much anxiety this time around. He sat still when the doctor told him to, and even gave the man a high five. Tonight as I was reading him a book; he did hit me. Whether he meant to or not, I stopped and said "What do you say?" and he said "sorry". Usually he would repeat "What do you say?" or "say sorry". But not this time! He answered right away with the correct response!

Have we finally found the right combination?? Nick is getting his personality back. There is no way to describe how this feels. Like we are on top of the world right now.

No School Today.......

At least, not for Nick. They have a half day today which means that his schedule did a flip-flop. Literally. ON half days, someone had the bright idea to have the kindergartners flip their schedules around. For example: Nick is in the PM kindergarten class-which means his school starts at noon. On some half days he is actually off. However, on half days like today-he was supposed to be at school at 8am. Well, the school does not tell the transportation people this(Brillaint huh??) and it is confusing for all to say the least. Not to mention, it completely disrupts the whole morning routine we have established since the beginning of the school year. I swear, sometimes it seems the 'typical' people need to start using their brains.

Nick has another chiropractor appointment today though-so being out of school is actually convenient. We will find out what they saw on X-rays and develop a treatment plan. Not sure if they will do his first adjustment today or have us come back, but I am excited to be doing something. It might help, it might not. But we will try anyway. His appointment is at 4pm, and depending on what is going on tonight I might do another post to update what happened. I told Nick last night that there would be "no bus" today and that he would be going to the doctor. He started to get a little anxious and started whimpering. He then promptly told me "Goodnight Nick". :)

Update: Nick had his very first 'adjustment' today. Nothing big. Just more of a vibrating hammer type thing that was used on different parts of his head,neck,and spine. He seemed to really enjoy it. Nothing out of the normal as far as behavior wise so far. Although, I will be keeping track of his progress. We have another appointment on Friday, and the doc wants to see him at least twice a week. So, that will be another thing on top of everything else we are doing. I swear, will it never end? Of course I already know the answer to that question.

Why Such a Stigma??

As if this life with autism was not enough, it seems that there is a huge stigma (ok, not SEEMS, there is) added to moms that have to use medications. We are looked down upon, criticized for our decisions(did not go GFCF, did not try the right supplements, gave up too soon) even more harshly than others. Let me just get one thing straight. I never, ever, thought that 2 years ago my son would be on medication. We DID cut out diary, ate organic food, gave him Cod Liver Oil, DHEA supplements, vitamins, we tried clay baths to help him 'detox', and I am sure I am missing some other stuff we did. We even tried some supplements that were supposed to calm him and make him think clearer. What happened? He went psychotic. He was WORSE. He peeled off the baseboard in the bathroom, he tore through the drywall, peeled off the paint, and destroyed nearly every door in our old house from the constant banging. Despite all of the above mentioned treatments, he was still non-verbal autistic. The only supplement that offered reprieve was his melatonin-at least he could sleep through the night. However, as time wore on and he got older, his stimming got worse, and it seemed like we would have these manic episodes that would last days. I don't think anyone living in our house at the time of these episodes would doubted us. It was horrible. It was not a decision we took lightly-and I don't think ANY parent does. But, not all autism is 'recovered' through special diets or supplements, and we are doing what has worked best to date. That does not mean that we are now totally resigned to medications to help-we are not. We are still pursuing chiropractic care, and possibly some other forms of natural therapy. I am trying to go with what Nick really likes-and that is pressure. We are in the mindset of doing what works for my son. Why is there such a stigma with meds? If it works, then it works for that child. Moms should not begrudge other moms for doing what works for their kids. We already have enough to deal with, we should all be supporting one another in this journey-not tearing each other apart.

Ok, off my soapbox now. We had a great weekend (and this post was NOT directed at anyone-just general) and I think we even made some new friends! Nick spent all day outside today. Barefoot, and just immersed in doing whatever came to his little mind. He was happy, and we heard lots of his silly talk. I went to Barnes and Noble to order the new book by Susan Senator. She was nice enough to include some stories from families, and we just happened to be one of them. The book is called "The Autism Mom's Survival Guide". Once I get it, I will post some more about it. I loved her first book "Making Peace with Autism". That was the first book where I could relate. Up til then, the kids I had read about all appeared to be higher functioning, or offered hope of miracle like 'cures' through special diets and such. This book was REAL. She was telling it how it really is, and how she finally came to accept autism. I often wonder why these talk shows cannot have someone like her on them? I am sick of certain celebrities being looked upon as autism experts. I would love to see someone like Dr. Temple Grandin, or Susan Senator, or Donna Williams, or Dr. Simon-Barron-Cohen....just ONCE! Try giving those people some quality air time...not those celebrities who shall remain nameless.

Wow, this turned into some sort of a vent! I am watching my darling 6yr old propel himself around the dining room table by sitting in his little Tonka Dumptruck. He is flapping his ears and holding a Spiderman sticker, and jibbering to himself. He is happy, and so are we. Isn't that what it is all about?

Breathing Again.......

I think it is safe to say that for the better part of the last 9 months or so, we have been under some sort of siege with Nick's moods. Outbursts were becoming ever more frequent and aggressive. He could go from happy-to pissed off in the blink of an eye. There were many days when this happened every hour, every 30 minutes, all day long. Sometimes we knew what set him off, sometimes we didn't-and would wander around asking him "what happened?" only to be slapped, or have something hurled in our direction. I was always afraid it would strike while driving and he would launch his sippy cup. That was my fear always when he had a drink in the car. Or even a toy. Or sometimes even Nick himself. He would be in his room, curled up on the floor of his closet screaming. He would be completely unable to function, and this could go on for hours. Days like this his therapy would consist of just trying to snap him out of it. His therapists were mainly just trying to control the damage. He banged his head, hit himself, bit himself, hit his therapists, pinched them, screamed, shouted, slammed doors, overturned chairs, you name it. To see him like this was heartbreaking. Then, after a few days, he would be completely the opposite. Saying words, eye-contact, joint attention, laughs, smiles, everything. Then, suddenly a few days later we were back to hell.

I came to the conclusion that we needed more help. I wanted Nick to be comfortable in his own skin. I wanted it to just stop. I contacted his doctor. He had not seen Nick in more than a year, and I explained to him all that was happening. He gave us a prescription for Risperdal. A very low dose (.05mg), just to take his 'edge' off. We saw results immediately.

-instead of stimming all through dinner; Nick was able to sit at the table and just eat like the rest of us.
-his toe-walking and stiffening have decreased dramatically; my baby is no longer stuck in a stimming cycle. He still stims, but he is relaxed.
-little things like me driving him to school used to cause him so much anxiety that neither of us enjoyed it. Yesterday, he only whimpered twice.
-he talks more.
-he is happy, and he is comfortable.
-Our stress has decreased dramatically as well. We can breathe again. My shoulders and neck no longer hurt.
-We are enjoying our son.
-Significantly less yelling and tension in the household.
That is worth it. To have a Happy Home. A peaceful home.

Mommy's Exhausted...

7:30 a.m.: Woke up. Funny really as I don't even remember falling asleep. My mind is already racing with all the stuff that needs to be done just to get us out the door this morning for soccer. First thing I think: The laundry is still in the washer. Second thing: Must shower. Showering is good. Very good.

8a.m.: The process starts. Move laundry out of washer into the dryer. (in order to accomplish this, I must first empty the dryer...have I mentioned my disdain for laundry??) Search through dirty clothes for Michael's soccer uniform. Realize that he did not put it in the dirty clothes from last time. Oh well. At least he'll have clean underwear on right?? At least, I think.

8:30-9a.m.: Get dishes done and start preparing breakfast. Michael wants mini cinnamon buns, while Nick gets his usual of two waffles. The dog of course goes in and out at least 15 times during breakfast alone. He is old and probably forgets that he just went out, among other things.

10a.m.: Breakfast is done and I am cleaning up our morning dishes. Let the boys do whatever for a bit while I watch a little TV.

10:30a.m.: Start the process of getting Nick ready to go. Change his diaper, get his clean clothes, and brush his teeth. At six years old he still requires most of this to be done for him, although he is getting a little better at helping at least. Michael starts to slowly get his soccer uniform on. This takes a while because he is watching TV while he does it. Somedays Nick even doing stuff on his own is faster than Michael.

11a.m.: Boys and me are ready, all that remains is waking up hubby and well, he can dress himself.

By 11:15 we are out the door and headed to the soccer field. The game starts at noon, but coach wants them to be there by 11:30 to warm up.

1pm: Game is over. We are all pretty hungry by this point and stop off to get some Burger King for lunch. By 2pm Michael had to be at the Youth Center for the end of season party. So, in less than an hour the kid had a Jr whopper meal, and pizza. You'd think we never feed this child with the voracity in which he devoured the pizza. One of his coaches asks if we will be at the Easter Egg hunt the next day. I say "probably not, because our youngest does not enjoy stuff like that". She walks away clearly puzzled and most likely thinking "What little kid does not enjoy easter egg hunts?" Ummm, this kid. He would enjoy being outside, but he would not grasp the concept of hunting for brightly colored eggs. On a small scale (like our backyard), sure. Not with a gaggle of other children and their parents. Can you say "Overstimulated"? The child met his social outing quota by being schlepped to see "Reptile Man" at Michael's school earlier this week. By the end of the program, I had managed to get Nick to the front door of the cafeteria-that was it. Fortunately, as it turns out, being on the outside of a room full of snakes is socially acceptable. We were not the only ones watching from a distance. Michael however, was right in there enjoying every moment. He's used to Mommy having to stand on the outside sometimes.

3pm: We finish with the Youth Center. (I did not take Nick to this-it was just myself and Michael). I actually got to talk with some of the other parents-what a concept! Afterwards, we head to Barnes and Noble to pick up the latest book in the "Diary of a Wimpy Kid" series. Michael has begged for it now going on about two weeks. I caved in finally.

By 5pm we have made it home again, picked up Nick, dropped off Michael, and head to the grocery store. 6pm we are on our way back home to unload the groceries, and start something for dinner.

7pm Lasagna is cooking, and I am making Ravioli for Nick. 7:30-bath time for Nick, and by 8pm he is taking his medicine to go to bed.

By 8pm I don't know who is more tired-me, or Nick. That was my day in a nutshell. I am tired just typing it!

Screaming, Biting, Banging....Had them all this week.

Another week is coming to an end, and I must say, I am glad it is over. Not that things have been that bad, just...challenging.

Last weekend I had weekend duty at work. So, I was put on night shift for two days. Which of course, messed everyone in my house up. Not sure about your house, but in mine, if mom is not awake during normal times-then everything seems to go south very quickly. Daddy tries to handle things, and for the most part he does a good job so I guess I should not complain. But, there are just things that mommies are better at doing. And the little boys of mine know that. For simply fun, you go get daddy. For everything else, mommy is where it's at. Needless to say, Nick was discombobulated-but held it together rather well. Sunday night however, we saw some disturbing behavior. I put Nick to bed with his normal dose of melatonin, and kissed him goodnight. About an hour later I am sitting at my computer in the dining room and I hear Nick just start screaming. Unusual. Especially with melatonin. I go in there to find Nick biting himself. He sits up and proceeds to bang his head on the wall. I try to comfort him, but it is no use. He simply lashes out and slaps me. He then bangs his head again. Words can not describe how helpless you feel when your child is locked in his own mind and cannot tell you what is wrong. After more than an hour of intermittent screaming,biting,and banging (the three ING's at our house), our only conclusion was that he might have a headache. I scour the hall closet for some Tylenol-we are fresh out. Damn! By this time it is around 10pm, but I don't care. I leave Nick bundled up on the couch with daddy holding his hand and go out for the Tylenol. First store closest to our house does not have any. Damn, Damn! I then head toward a gas station a little further away, and finally see the best thing in the world to me at that time...TWO whole bottles of Children's Tylenol. I snatch one up and head home. By the time all I said and done, it is midnight before sunshine gets to bed. I was hoping it was just a fluke episode-but it has happened a few times since then. Don't know what is going on; but I am going to ask his doctor next week when we go.

Speaking of that, I actually cannot wait until Thursday. Nick's language seems to be at a boost right now, and he is doing well in his therapies. When he is able to concentrate. And is not stimming at lightning speeds. He needs some more help. The mini tramp is good for re-directing his energy-but only goes so far. He cannot relax. When he is; he simply does amazing. I have also asked his doc for a referral to a chiropractor. One of his tutors mentioned Nick to him and now the guy wants to see how he could help Nick. He is not charging us anything out of pocket-just what insurance covers. So far, he has only treated NT adults, but is interested to see if he could maybe start branching out into treating kids on the spectrum. So, Nick will be his first ASD patient. Maybe it will help Nick be more comfortable in his own skin. All I want is for my baby to be his absolute best. Like I said, Happy Nick we can deal with. I am not looking to 'cure' him, or drug him for my pleasure. We have not come to this decision lightly. This has been cropping up from the back of my mind for a year or so. Diets & Supplements just did not yield enough results.

Don't be fooled by this happy demeanor....

That is what I am having to tell myself today. Nick has been in a happy mood all day long. The weather was nice out, so hubby let him wander around in our fenced in backyard. Nick was happy as a clam. All of this talking and smiling is what has lulled us into that false sense of "all is well" in the past. This is the Nicholas I want him to be..this is the Nicholas HE wants to be. Happy, playful, talkative(even if he was repeating "Nick don't get the vacuum!" over and over :) ) asking to be tickled, coming up to us for fist pumps(which is uber cute by the way!), playing with his toys instead of thrashing about the house destroying our doors. In an instant yesterday all that was gone. Replaced with screaming, throwing toys, hitting me, and just all out losing control. I spent 30 min just sitting with him on the couch. Nick was curled up in a ball in my arms and we just sat there. I was happy that he was being cuddly, but I could have done without the screaming and throwing.

Happy days such as this tend to make me forget about the bad days. They make me think "Oh I can handle this", "It's not that bad". Then WHAMMO! We get hit with several really bad days in a row where nothing is going right. My parents did tell me that they would possibly help to buy him a squeeze machine; since he really seems to like pressure.

I took my parents to the airport yesterday morning. Had to get up at 3am in order to get to the airport by 5am. I came back home, put some mini-cinnamon buns in the oven for Michael, got him up and ready for school, then I passed out on the couch until around 11am. Not much housework got done yesterday I tell ya.

He Does What he Can

I have not posted so much lately due to us having family visiting. It has been wonderful having an extra set of hands around here to help with things around the house, as well as the kids. I now know that I could get really used to having someone like a nanny to help with things like calming Nick down from a meltdown, or tending to dinner while I get some time to do some small cleaning. Having someone who will clean up the dirty dishes after dinner while I get the kids a bath has been divine. Of course my mother did not have to do this-I did not make her; but she did it anyway just to help. We of course had plenty of time doing other things too. Taking Michael out for an afternoon; just him. He got some Legos, some new rollerblades, and we went to see the movie "Tooth Fairy". Nick also got his very own day in which he was allowed to pick out any toy he wanted. There was no apparent limit, and the kid could not have been happier. He was all smiles on his day and he KNEW it was his day. He said first thing in the morning-HAPPY.

We have one more day with them before they head back to Florida. They have been a huge support system for us regarding Nicholas. "He just does what he can" my mom says. My mom has been very supportive in getting more help for Nick. More help as in possible medication. I have been toying with this idea for a few months now. Only because I cannot find any correlation/cause for some of Nick's severe stimming/anxiety attacks. He gets very tense and just seems to go completely wild. He will be like this for a couple days, then he will be completely the opposite. When he is not this way he is doing remarkable things. Like looking at us when we call his name, following two step directions, speaking to us, requesting things from us, and just all around able to focus. When he is not like this, he is stimming so severely that it is impossible to get anything out of him. There is also a huge gap between what he does at school, and what he does at home. There is just too much difference between his "good days/bad days". I had hoped it would not resort to this; but if it will help him then it is worth looking in to. I was just hoping he would not be that severe to need medication-but I cannot deny it any longer. The calm and relaxed Nicholas is more lucid. He is happy-and he knows it. He is able to communicate better and enjoy himself. The stimmy/anxious/tense Nick does not enjoy anything. He is not "there", and is not happy. I just want something to help take his edginess off. I have been e-mailing his doctor, and we have an appointment set for 1 April.

Wish us Luck....

We are FUNKdified....

Ugh, Nick is in one of his funks. Don't know how else to describe it really. It has been going on all week. It is one of those "I am so rambunctious and in need of stimulation that I cannot sit still". No, not even for a second. He is all over the place physically as well as emotionally. One minute he is fine, the next we are on the verge of total implosion. Not even therapy was a repreive-as he pretty much could not pay attention to any of it this week. Wednesday the slightest thing would totally set him off and we were simply trying to make it to bedtime. One of those weeks where I am just trying to hold it together hour by hour. And tomorrow I got to take Funkboy to the airport to pick up family. Not enough Tylenol in the world for me right now. I have to mentally prepare myself for the stress that he will undoubtedly cause. I am taking him in his stroller-because I simply cannot handle him right now any other way than confined. Yes, it may look strange to have a six year old in a stroller-but I don't give a shit really.

I Give Up...

On the whole door thing. I know I will never understand it, can barely prevent it from happening, and it is not seeming to be going away anytime soon. Our house is locked up like Alcatraz already, and we are in need of more locks. I was attempting to get in a quick nap on Sunday-and had things all locked up. Informed hubby of my whereabouts, and everything was set. I HAVE to lock our bedroom door if I want any kind of respite. Otherwise Nick will come flying in, and start with the closet doors. As soon as I get him away from those and back in bed, he starts with the bedroom door. It becomes a vicious cycle. Closet doors, bedroom door. Closet doors, bedroom door. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. This time, I had managed to get in a few precious moments of bliss, when suddenly I heard a dreaded "WHAM!" It came again "WHAM!" Since nobody else seemed to hear this slamming noise (still don't understand that one??) I investigated. (rather loudly I might add). Nick had moved on to the garage door. This door is not exactly light. However, Nick has taken this door thing to a whole new realm recently.

.....Gas tanks have doors on them dont'cha know. See where this is going?? At first it was our gas tank. Not too bad-let him do it a couple times then "all done". Now however, little mister can spot those little gems in a nanosecond. Yesterday he ran right across the street to the minivan parked on the curb. He has also found the gas tank on his school bus. Parking lots have become a nightmare. If you are not paying attention and holding him with only half your strength, he will weezel out and run like lightening to the nearest gas tank. If you have never seen how fast lightening can run, just stop by sometime. Today it happened to be a silver compact car with its' occupants still inside it. I am sure they were wondering what that little boy was doing careening towards their car, and his frazzled mom trying in vain to regain control.
....Nana and Grandpa are going to get a workout.

Dentist

This week was a busy week. But then again, every week is busy around here it seems. Nick had his very first dental visit on Tuesday. This was a two-person effort-hubby would not get to stay home for this one. Nick was understandably anxious as we entered the building. He had to go in an elevator-something that he is leery of, but he did spectacular. Once we got to the waiting room, it was filled with other kids and Nick was already on edge. He was running everywhere. Hubby did not even get a chance to sit down. He was on full-blown Nick patrol while I filled out all the paperwork. Even so, Nick managed to get behind the counter and start slamming cabinets. The forms started with the usual; birthdate, sex, etc. But then I got to the middle portion that said something like "circle all that apply"...hmmm, Speech Delay..yes, Developmental Delay...yes, neurologic something...yes. Then I see different conditions listed on the bottom portion. Bingo. Autism was one of them. I also listed some of his sensory issues, as this office would pretty much push him into sensory hell. Then it asked something along the lines of what requests I have for my child. I found myself writing "treat him like a normal child, talk to him like any other kid and explain everything you are doing". He is autistic, but he is NOT stupid. We do not treat him like that at home, and I will be damned if anyone else treats him as such. Anyway, the time comes for us to go back into another office to discuss what brought us here in the first place. The assistant is very nice and laments on Nick's long eyelashes and big blue eyes. She is very patient and explains we will just do as much as he lets us do. If we get to a cleaning, we get to it. We will just do what we can. I already like this place.

We take Nick back to an exam room, and get him situated in the chair. He is bestowed with a small magna doodle, and a pink toothbrush that a nurse accidentally gave him. She went to try and exchange it for a blue one, but hubby told her there was no need, as Nick likes pink. Nick does not see gender specific colors, all he sees is that pink is a nice color and he likes it. Even his therapists have noticed that he just seems to like pink. The Dr comes in and takes notice of his adult tooth growing behind his baby tooth and that his mouth is very small. She says what we had been thinking all along "hmmm, that tooth will have to come out, as well as the one beside it to make more room. Otherwise, his teeth will be all bunched up. See? There's not room in here for it to grow in the right spot. He will probably need braces later on, but we will do what we can right now." Nick is squirming and crying just a bit, no where near the scale as he got his vaccines though-this is going rather well. We actually managed to get through a cleaning. Success! Hubby came out going "wow, that was alot of crying." I looked at him like he was nuts. "That??!" "Oh no, that was nothing. You should have seen him when they gave him ONE shot. Really, that was just a little whining."

We schedule his tooth extraction for a few days later. Yesterday. Yesterday Nick walked into the office like a pro. He pushed the button for the elevator, and waltzed in like saying "I got this." In the waiting room, Nick was stimmy-but happy. He jumped and flapped while looking at all the toys. One little boy was asking questions about him. Things like "why is he doing that? why does he like that?" His mom explained that he was autistic and did things differently. Hubby piped in "yes, but he knew his ABC's and could count to 30 when he was two!"
"Wow, really?" the boy said. His mom even chimed in "Yes, he is very smart isn't he?"
I did not mind that the little boy was asking questions-it is better than simply staring. And we got the opportunity to give them a little education. Mike presented them with a little card that explains autism, and told me "I carry those around everywhere; so when people stare I give them one." This is from a guy who would not even say the word AUTISM a few years ago. Now, he tells anyone who will listen.
We went back to the exam room, and this time Nick climbed into the chair by himself, and requested that the light be turned on. We gave him the sunglasses to protect his eyes, he had some tape to feel on his hands, and a magna doodle. He was ready. He barely flinched as they gave him some numbing stuff for his mouth, and a few minutes later it was time to pull. The first tooth came out in no time, as the roots had already been degraded by the adult tooth behind it. The second tooth took a little more time, a little more crying(actually, hardly crying-more like whining)and a few more minutes later it too was out. We were done. Nick walked out like nothing had happened. The funny part came on the ride home. Nick was blowing raspberries and sticking his tongue out due to the anaesthetic. The dentist was wonderful, and I would recommend them to anyone. All in all, it proved to be not such a big hassle after all.

Silence is Golden.....

It is quarter to ten pm and the house is silent. Between all of Nick's therapists, the dog, plus the boys themselves-this house is one busy place 90% of the time. Tonight was therapy and then right to soccer practice. Once practice was over, we piled in the Jeep and grabbed some B.K. for dinner. Headed to the store to buy some more baby wipes, drinks,etc. and then came home around 8pm. Everyone ate, some got baths, and story time (Nick is really big on requesting "wanna read a book"-so I cave like always). A little dose of melatonin and Nick is in dreamland inside of 30 min. Unlike 3-4 hours without.

Michael too is asleep. Tuckered right out after all that running. Oh how I love soccer season for that very reason. Even the dog is passed out. YAY Me!

Much Ado About Nicholas....

This weekend was all about Nick. 6 years ago on Feb 12, a beautiful baby boy was born. Around this date 4 years ago, that same beautiful boy was diagnosed with autism. It has been a roller-coaster ride ever since. We have had lots of "on the job" training-as no one can prepare you for life with autism. We have learned a lot of things on the fly. We have come a long way as individuals, as well as a family. Nick turned six on Friday. Saturday I took Nick to Toys R Us for a day of spoiling. I originally was not going to take him simply because I wanted everything to be a surprise. Mike insisted that Nick go along.
"Let him pick out what HE likes, not what YOU think he would like." I was kind of miffed at this, as I like to think that I KNOW what Nick likes, but I listened and took Nick along.

I was pleasantly surprised at what Nick gravitated to. He did in fact like everything. Baby toys caught his attention, but I kept moving along hoping to find something that was more age appropriate. A part of Nick still likes the baby toys, and I get torn between what to buy. He is getting older, and I want toys that reflect that. It seems only respectful to him that his surroundings reflect more a kid of his age. He also seems to LIKE it. This year he picked out a cool looking dinosaur that roared and walked when you pushed a button. The age range was from 3-8yrs. We also found a mini-trampoline, and a 3D picture projector. I figured if he thinks in pictures, then by G*d he is going to have the best ones we can get. I bought all the slides that come for that projector. Soon he will be informing us about life on the African Prairie.
We then went to Safeway to pick up a birthday cake. This is where autism can strike out of the blue. We walked up to the entrance, and Nick starts to pull back. He is resistant to going in. I tell him it is ok, and we are going to get his cake. He complies, trusting what I say. But he quickly gets overloaded and a meltdown is ensuing. We have learned throughout the years to become good at detecting what his triggers are. I quickly realize what is setting him off. There are thousands of helium filled balloons all with bright colors,and a whole forest of colored flowers filling the air with their scents. All of this at once is bombarding Nick's senses and he quickly covers his eyes and starts screaming. I wheel him through in record speed and am able to avoid a full-blown meltdown. But that was still not before we drew a few stares from clueless shoppers. I pay no attention to them, as they do not have any comprehension of just how close we had come to a scene much worse-and they would be amazed at this mommas quick response. We buy the cake and here I am having to wheel Nick through this sensory hell again in order to get to the car. This time however, I am prepared. I prep him by saying "Ok Nick, we have to go this way to get to the car. It will just be a minute, and we go to the car. It will be alright." As I say this, he is already covering his eyes again, but I just keep chanting "It's ok..almost done." Then as we exit I announce "See, we are all done now. We go to the car." Nick takes his hands away from his eyes, and all is well. Smiley boy is back again.
Nick also got several garden pinwheels from our former neighbor. She remembered he liked those and had no qualms about spoiling him with tons of them. We also bought a German language CD program. Maybe he can learn his dad's first language-since he seems to have the ability to pick up and repeat multiple languages. It also pairs things with pictures. We celebrated his birthday last night with a simple family party. We all sang "happy birthday" and Nick smiled that darling little smile of his as if to say "I feel so loved right now".

As Temple Grandin would say "Different, Not Less."

Weekend plans....

This is our first weekend for soccer. Michael has a game tomorrow at noon. After that I am thinking of either hitting the gym or going for a run-depending on the weather. Sunday we might have a little party for Nick-his parties are never very big affairs as he does not enjoy a whole bunch of people. A simple cake and some gifts will do just fine with him. Other than that, not much going on at all. Just the normal weekend chores of grocery shopping and housecleaning. We are also watching the Olympics. Funny to think such a big event is going on only 4 hours north of us. Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Just a few questions to ask some of these companies....

1) Can you please make a 'noiseless' microwave? We would actually love to use ours with no screaming from the boy.

2) Can you make potty seats big enough for a nearly 6yr old who has a very skinny butt? One that won't smoosh his manhood?

3) And while we are at it; can you also make a noiseless dishwasher? Not even the so called "quiet" ones are truly quiet. We should know. Our kid has supersonic hearing.

4) Whatever happened to the "Gerber Little Flakes" cereal?? That was the only effing cereal the boy would eat. With no screaming. Now we have been forced into the unknown and I am not sure I can mentally handle that right now.

5) Could we also get some pediasure that won't give him diarrhea?? When you have one of 'those' weeks (and all you ASD moms know 'those' weeks) it is a real toss-up between nutrition and stools. Stools has won everytime-because no one in our house wants to change a weeks worth of loose, runny, crapola.

6) Can you please make items that are GF/CF/SF a little more affordable????? I mean, without all that extra crap in there-why is it so expensive?? My brain says it should be cheaper...but that's just me. Isn't rice more abundant than say..cows?

7) And why the eff do public toilets have to flush so damm LOUD?? Hard to potty train the kid when the simple act of flushing the darn thing sends him out of his mind. All thanks to that super-duper hearing of his.

I would also like to thank the following companies for their brilliant products:
Safety First: Lovely light switch cover. No more masking tape.
First Years: The BEST damm baby gates EVER. They might just be indestructable. But you have to get the ones that bolt into the wall. Nothing else worked. Saved us from a nervous breakdown due to constant cabinet slamming.
Step2: Best toy kitchen. I have seen this at many an ASD house. Something about those darned cabinets!

Ramblings.....

I am sitting here watching Nick ever so slowly eat his dinner. Chicken, mac & cheese, and green beans. We have been here for almost an hour, and we are just finishing the chicken. We still have macaroni and beans to get through. No worries though. Tonight he can take his time. We had a relatively early dinner, so he should be fine as soon as he swallows the liquified chicken he has had in his mouth now for 20 minutes. A good trick we have learned: Giving him some applesauce seems to speed this process up a bit. As you can imagine, brushing his teeth when he is in one of these hoarding phases is simply a nightmare. Filled with lots of crying, and lots of liquified food spilling out of his mouth. I don't know why he does this. Most of the time we can figure out why he likes to do things, which leads to us understanding him better. This phase we just don't get. It comes and goes, and we never know when or how long it will last. We simply get through it. I hate, hate, hate it. I hate not being able to figure out WHY he is doing it. It gets so frustrating for both of us. Yesterday Mike told me Nick started breakfast at 8:30am, he finished at 10am.

Adding to the mayhem is our now disabled dog. He went outside last night just fine, came back limping, and has been limping all day. He is very old, so I am thinking it could be arthritis. He is able to bear some weight on his leg, but not much. He is actually doing better tonight than he was earlier today-but still hopping along slowly.

As if school, therapy, work, and dog were not enough; we have now added soccer to our schedule. Practices are Tuesdays and Thursdays 6pm-7:30pm. Right in the middle of Nick's therapy sessions. Mike and I will have to take turns going to practice with Michael. Life is all about finding a balance. We still struggle with balancing the needs of both boys. Nick needs so much more time & energy that most days we are mentally drained, and Michael just seems to blend in with it all. Soccer is HIS time in the parental spotlight.

IEP meeting..

We had Nick's IEP meeting last Friday. It went rather well, but what shocked me was the fact they said that he had no functional language. HUH?? They clearly saw the look of confusion on my face, and I told them "Umm, yes he does. He asks for things all the time at home." And even lately he has begun making his own choices. When I ask "Do you want milk or juice?" instead of just repeating "milk or juice?", he will think about it for a while and then say "Milk." or "Juice." So to tell me he has no functional language was quite the shock. This is a child who came to me the other day and told me to fix a car that he wanted to play with. He even brought me the car! Today he put his bowl on the counter and said he wanted fish crackers. The thing is, he may do all this at home-but in school it might be a different story. They jotted down all the notes I was providing them, and were astonished by what he does do at home. I told A (his BCBA) this and she had equal confusion. She made a note to go and visit his class and observe how he is in school, and maybe give the teachers some pointers.

Today we met with A to discuss re-vamping Nick's home program. He was breezing through so many programs in the fall, but has now seemed to hit a wall. Things are hit-or-miss with him. One day he will get it 100%, the next day it will be 10%. We are looking for more things to really motivate him. They are also going to start incorporating some of the Early Start Denver model into his programs. It is a less structured form of ABA and more natural. (from what I have been told) It goes through all the developmental phases of early childhood. Little things like following points, and being more "socially" tuned in. We hope to see a lot of progress in 2010. The best thing is right now he has already come so far! He is really starting to blossom. In HIS time.

First week in the new house..

We have completed our first week in the new 'crib', and it is starting to feel a little homey. The first few days last week we were going back and forth between the houses which left us no time to really set up the new house. We had to clean the old house to meet base requirements(that is a huge chore unto itself). I had to work, and we had a couple of days that we were quite "overbooked". Wednesday we hired a cleaning crew to finish up what we had started. All they really had to do was wash the walls, clean the floors and baseboards, and just straighten things up a bit. They did a wonderful job and ended up finishing everything 30 minutes prior to our final inspection on Friday. Which was supposed to be at 9am. Inspectors did not show up until 10am, and I had Nick's IEP meeting at 11am. UGH. Why is my life like this?? So overscheduled. We ended up passing our inspection; and making it to our appointment. Why is my child so into doors???!!! This is not just something that happens at home now, it happens everywhere. Everywhere we go has a door. A door that must be slammed open and closed at every possible opportunity. It is quite exhausting taking this child of mine out sometimes. Yesterday's Dollar Store trip was not quite tranquil. Nick thought it was fun to knock things off the shelves and watch them fall to the floor. Then he thought my reaction was uber funny. We quickly headed out of there to Target where I could put him in a basket and not have it look so funny. (Afterall, he is a gangly/tall nearly 6yr old-whose feet nearly drag on the floor in the front seat of a cart)He now rides in the back-all sprawled out and making lots of happy stimmy noises. People look regardless, so at least they can look at a happy stimmy child rather than a rambunctious child and one stressed out mommy. Right??

Anyway, I got my pictures up on the walls last night with lots of help from happy stimmy boy. He was jumpy, flappy, and had fun lining up the frames in the hallway. As I hung one, he would slide the rest on the floor to make room for the new one he took out of the box. Did I mention he was happy-stimmy child?? There was lots of jumping, screeching, and overall giddiness. It made a boring job rather fun actually. Where does he come up with this stuff??!! Never known anyone to be soooooo happy about hanging pictures. We had a couple of good laughs.

Today, we are off to Target again. I found a few inspirational quotes to put on the walls thatI like. We have a big empty wall right when you come into the house that can use something like that. I can use a little uplifting myself every now and then.

New House!!

We are finally getting all moved in to our new abode. Oddly enough, for someone who is not supposed to like change, Nick loved this house from the get go! He has his own room with all of his own stuff in it, and we have had ZERO problems with transitioning him. The only time he screamed: when we had to go back to the old house to get more of our stuff and to clean it. He hated seeing things in such disarray and made him uncomfortable. Sunday we were able to get respite care for him while we went to the old house to clean up. That way he was able to stay *home*. Both the boys LOVED riding in the U-Haul truck with daddy-that never seems to get old. To Nick, that was almost as good as riding the school bus!!LOL! He is such a little boy :)

Michael has his own "boy cave" with his video games, and he has even joined the 20th century with a tv in his room. We made it ten years with no tv in the kids' room, but he is getting older now and it is a step up. Can't treat him like his little bro. Little brother is never far away though-yesterday when Nick needed some comfort, he went to his big bro's room and laid on the floor listening to Michael and his TV. I think they both like having their own places to go to get away from it all. It seems to be working well so far.

We are still getting everything situated. Once we do I will post pictures. Just wanted to get on here and let everyone know that we are still here and doing fine :)

We Are Moving......

Into our new house tomorrow. We are picking up the U-Haul truck around 2:30, and we get the keys to our new house shortly after! I am so excited! There is a nice big playground RIGHT outside our back fence, which will be lovely for the boys in the summer. It has a garage!!! Yes, I am excited about a friggin' garage. We have only had carports. Not so lovely for storing things. We will also have a pantry-no more using up cabinet space for food items, and I think the most thing I am excited about....NO MORE BASEBOARD HEATERS!!! For all of my family who has never heard of these, since they live in WARM Florida, they suck. Just so you know. You can't put anything within 6 inches of these awful things, because, well, it is a fire hazard. Try designing a room around that shit. Michael had a blanket from his bed fall onto the heater in his room and it made a godawful smell that permeated the room for days. It didn't burn the blanket as it was not too hot, but warmed it enough to produce some "aromatherapy". Long live central heating!!!!

The boys are excited about moving. Nick has taken to placing certain fave items by the door as if to say "Don't forget this!" He knows something new is going on with all these boxes packed up, and the fact that his matress is now on the floor. He likes to explore new places, as long as he has a place to go for comfort if he needs it. Don't we all like our own "comfy" places?

We won't have internet/tv/phone until Tuesday. So, it might be a quiet weekend actually. Maybe we will break out some board games from our camper? Have a good weekend everyone!!

Something on my Mind...

There was a post on a bulletin board not too long ago. Click HERE to read the article. The story is two mothers were shopping in a local store. One of them had a baby, the other one had an older child. The mother with the baby goes and starts telling her baby "say Hi to the girl". The other mother, tells this mother "Don't let my child get near the baby". But, it was too late. The older child had hit the baby. Before this happened, the mom had said that her daughter has issues and not to let her near the baby. The baby was not seriously hurt, and cried for a few seconds and then was fine. As a parent who has a special needs child, I have been in these awkward situations. Having to apologize for my autistic son when he hit them. It has not happened a lot, but it has happened. Nick has no idea that what he is doing is wrong-he just knows that he is upset. Therefor, trying to tell him what he did was wrong is not going to compute right away. It takes time and lots of repetition. We also try to avoid these outbursts, but honestly, sometimes they just happen and you can't do anything about it. Such is life with having a disabled child. Now, I also have a typical child. And yes, if someone came up and hit him I would be mad. But, some of the responses to that post were just downright horrible. Suggesting that we put our children in "higher" care if we cannot control them, that they are a danger to the general public, and that we should leave them at home. Some question our parenting skills and say things like our children are one step away from being a felon or worse. These are mothers saying this. This is the kind of thing we have to deal with everytime we take Nick out. I can feel people staring at us. Wondering what is wrong with that little boy in the basket as he grunts and bangs constantly on its sides. They stare, and probably talk about him as they are in their cars going home. Sometimes it doesn't bug me. Sometimes it does. Yesterday, it bugged me. Then on the way home, my mind wandered to think of Fran Peek.

Fran's son, Kim Peek, was the inspiration for the movie "Rainman". Kim did not have Autism. Instead, he had Agenesis of the Corpus Collosum-with other impairments. He memorized every book he ever read, new every zip code in the US, among many other amazing feats. Doctors told his parents to put him in a home and forget about him. Kim never went to an institution. Instead, his parents loved him and raised him at home. After his mother passed away, his father, Fran, tended to his every need...every day. Since "Rainman" Kim has had many speaking engagements-accompanied by his father. He continued to learn social cues, and was even developing a sense of humor. Kim Peek died over the holidays. He did not die from his mental condition, he died from a heart attack. His father outlived him. Of course, this is every parents nightmare. But think just for one minute. Kim never had to be institutionalized. Fran never had to worry about who would care for his son when he passed. Never had to worry about the care he would recieve, or that other care givers would simply exploit Kim. Kim lived at home his entire life, and got to travel to world renowned places sharing with the public his amazing abilities. People like that give me the strength I need to make it through another day. The world has lost a great mind, and a great person. We can sure use more Fran and Kim Peeks in our world.

The Power of "NO"...

Last week we noticed that Nick was shaking his head from side to side while sitting at the dinner table. I had put some food in front of him and he began shaking his head. We just thought "Isn't that nice, another sensory stim, ok Nick let's move on now" We thought that, well, because a lot of what Nick does is purely sensory related. From smacking things, to rubbing his head on the carpet, to grinding his teeth. All of these have been phased in and out of our lives at different times. We don't really give it a second thought anymore. I am realizing though that maybe we should. Case in point, the head shaking. The other day, Diane and I had a chance to talk in the hallway while Nick was on a few minute break. She brought up something quite extraordinary. She got the impression that Nick was shaking his head "NO". She would ask him to do a certain task-and he would shake his head. He had done this several times throughout their session, all of them towards being asked to do something. In the few days prior to her and I speaking, we were starting to realize that Nick might just in fact be doing this. For those who have a disabled child, we often buzz around caring for them just as we had when they were an infant. Most of the time we don't even realize we are doing it. Time seems to stand still in that respect. They eat, drink, wear, etc. whatever it is we put in front of them (or feed them by hand) often with little to no protest. NO is a powerful thing. It let's someone know that YOU do not WANT what they are giving you. It let's them know that YOU indeed have a voice and opinion about things being done. It let's them know that YOU are a thinking, feeling, living person. For nearly 6 years Nick has not been able to say No. He has had to be happy with what was given to him. Nick, mommy and daddy are slowly getting a "clue". You are nearly six, and deserve to be treated as such. I am afraid you are discovering girls...in your own way, but also like so many other little boys. Yesterday you learned about Mickey Mouse. You are getting tired of Goldfish crackers for snack, you now like Mandarin Oranges. You love 80's music-and even sing a few songs. Instead of ripping my magazine to shreds, you carried it around for days looking at all the pictures. All four of us are learning on this journey my dear boy, and we are all better people because of you. Don't hold it against us Nick, we can't help being "neuro-typical".

Happy New Year!!

Another year has gone by, and actually I am happy that it is done. I spent a lot of 2009 away from my boys and I hope that 2010 will leave me home more. We move into our new house in just a couple of weeks! Not anxious to have to pack up all our stuff and try to move with two kiddos, but at least this time we won't have to deal with feeding a newborn every 3 hours. When we moved into this house Nick was just a wee baby. With every new year it brings new promise. New skills gained for our Nick and new hope for what he can achieve in the next 12 months. He has gone from eating microwaveable meals consisting of lasagna and ravioli--to eating steak, pork chops, veggies, mashed potatoes, eggs, bacon, and anything else put in front of him. We have even managed some gummi candy, and a chocolate chip cookie. He follows directions, is counting up to 20, learning to draw shapes, and even learning to sight read! Today him and Michael were playing together and getting along. It was such a great thing to see. I often dream about my boys playing together. Except, most of the time it is just that...a dream. In my dreams Nick talks, plays, and runs around like any little boy should. He is not restricted by anything. I see them chasing each other with Nerf guns and laughing. Then the dream is over, and I wake up to reality. Except today, my dream WAS a reality. For that, I am thankful. I am also thankful to have had another year with two amazing kids and a wonderful husband. Happy New Year!! I hope 2010 brings everyone love, health, and happiness.