Monday, August 01, 2011

I Feel Like I am Lost......

And I have no idea which way is 'home'. Nick's behavior can turn on a dime. One minute he will be happy and chatting to himself, the next minute can bring on absolute rage. In which case he will throw things, destroy his room (or whatever happens to be around), or lash out at me. The last one has me at the end of my rope. He will not lash out at anyone else in the family but me. Hubby and Michael seem to be immune. But me, I get the brunt of his anger. I don't even have to be doing anything to the child, he will seek me out and hit me. I am at a loss. We went down on his medication because it made him twitch. Which, in all honesty, it was producing the same results. His behavior was no better. We have lessened his dose-the twitches have diminished..YAY! But we are still dealing with behaviors. Or more or less, I, am dealing with behaviors. He does not do this with his father or brother.

I feel like I have failed him somehow in the communication department. I read all the time where kids YOUNGER than Nick are advancing so much in their communication by using the PECS (Picture Exchange Communication). We tried that with Nick-but he never understood it, and the cartoon pictures meant nothing to him. We focused more of our efforts getting him to use words. Which he does-when he can organize what he wants in his head with words. When I try to talk with him as he flies off the handle-all I get is kicking, screaming, and head butting. However, Mike, can do this and actually get a response from him. *I* try to, and, well, you know what happens.

His behavior HAS to get better. But I don't see how at this point. We have used a picture schedule for his ipad, but he is not allowed constant access to it, because he tends to throw things during rage. I can try to make a daily schedule for him during summer, but it will more or less depend on Mike to stick to it. And since he has no problem with daddy, I don't see it happening.

Nick used to like going places. A couple of weeks ago I took both boys to Target. Nick wanted to go. That all changed as soon as we got inside the store. He proceeded to meltdown. We had to leave. Now, IF he goes anywhere with us, it almost seems like he is having a panic attack. It did not help matters much when he has had so many doctor appointments either. So now, going out PERIOD seems to stress him out.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like we are hanging on by a thread; and literally we are when you think about it. We just try to make it to bed time each day. Today was awful. And I don't know how much better tomorrow will be.