Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Don't be fooled by this happy demeanor....

That is what I am having to tell myself today. Nick has been in a happy mood all day long. The weather was nice out, so hubby let him wander around in our fenced in backyard. Nick was happy as a clam. All of this talking and smiling is what has lulled us into that false sense of "all is well" in the past. This is the Nicholas I want him to be..this is the Nicholas HE wants to be. Happy, playful, talkative(even if he was repeating "Nick don't get the vacuum!" over and over :) ) asking to be tickled, coming up to us for fist pumps(which is uber cute by the way!), playing with his toys instead of thrashing about the house destroying our doors. In an instant yesterday all that was gone. Replaced with screaming, throwing toys, hitting me, and just all out losing control. I spent 30 min just sitting with him on the couch. Nick was curled up in a ball in my arms and we just sat there. I was happy that he was being cuddly, but I could have done without the screaming and throwing.

Happy days such as this tend to make me forget about the bad days. They make me think "Oh I can handle this", "It's not that bad". Then WHAMMO! We get hit with several really bad days in a row where nothing is going right. My parents did tell me that they would possibly help to buy him a squeeze machine; since he really seems to like pressure.

I took my parents to the airport yesterday morning. Had to get up at 3am in order to get to the airport by 5am. I came back home, put some mini-cinnamon buns in the oven for Michael, got him up and ready for school, then I passed out on the couch until around 11am. Not much housework got done yesterday I tell ya.


M said...

Isn't it strange how easily we forget the bad days. And then a bad day hits and it's double difficult because, hi, they're fucking hard. But feels like you've been punched in the guts with the horror of trying to get through the day and fear that the day will never end and that this is it. You won't get back that happy child. You're stuck with this miserable, impossible to make happy, fearful, anxious, out of control HURTING child. And that's the last thing you want. Your child to be unhappy.

A squeeze machine would probably be fantastic. We do a lot of squishing between couch cushions with BOTH kids as they are very much deep pressure people. It's the easiest method I can get to fully get their bodies and then just put tons of my pressure atop the pillow (my upper body so it's even pressure).

I'm babbling due to lack of sleep and for once it's not because of either kid which is good but also sucking because man...I wanna nap until 11. That sounds just right. <3

Amy said...

My feelings exactly M! I am also having lack of sleep-but not due to kids. I am working a weekend shift this weekend. It sucks and I miss my boys, but has to be done. :(