Sunday, February 01, 2009

How Much is Enough?

I still struggle with this thought. Are we doing enough? Should we fill in his weekend with more hours of therapy, or let him have that time *free*? How much biomed is enough? Should we spike everything he consumes with supplements, do we give him shots of B12 to possibly get some more improvement? What about Nick himself? What would he want? How much improvement do we need to see in him before we can truly say, We are happy? What does Nick think of all this? Does he think that he will never be enough for us? I certainly hope not. I am not trying to start a debate over different therapies-we certainly have seen big gains with doing some biomed, as well as traditional therapies. I know I want the best for Nick. I want him to be the highest functioning that he is capable of, and I am not about to stop any of his programs. But something in me also thinks that he needs to just BE sometimes. He needs time to be his own person-just like we all do. And if being his own person means that he likes to spin toys, and talk non-sense for a little while, why can't that be OK too? He has tons of moments throughout the day where he is looking at us, following directions, following points, imitating, and saying things appropriately. We have spent such a long time trying to make him a part of our world,that we sometimes miss the beauty of his world.One day last week, the tables were reversed.

We were in the boys' bedroom playing around on the floor. Nick came over and kneeled at my side. He then took both of his hands and put them on my cheeks. He proceeded to move my head side-to-side like he does. He was trying to show me something. He wanted me to be a part of his world-he let me in. He enjoyed every second of it-and looked directly at me with a smile from ear-to-ear. For a brief moment, I was in Nick's world.

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